Fucking Ben Elton

After seeing a student production of that queen musical we will rock you and enjoying the wonderful production, but cringeing in my chair at the sheer awful Ben Elton (he brought a Gnome from the garden centre I worked in, woah gnome fans) scripted musical I thought I could do better myself, so I present a brief (probably) synopsis of my musical about take that entitled 'back for good.'

The musical starts late, ideally running 15 minutes after the advertising time with our four leads Drawoh, Nosaj, Kram and Yrag doing a beautiful rendition of paitence (We will rock you was set in the future for some reason, I'm gonna do the same and make the names sound all future like!). The 15 minutes mentioned might be debateable, the audience may not have paitence and find themselves unable to wait at least ten minutes, this is very much upto the theatre managers to research the level of paitence their audiences have, it might be more up north or less, well they're more friendlier so they should be more paitent. Also if the theatre wants to imply some kind of chaos going on before the powerful rendition of Patience, go for it chaps!

In an incredibly forced and contrived plot, Kram, it emerges is an arsonist, and is on a rampage of Manchester to destroy all memories of all the other musical history in Madchester (other than Take That), whilst singing 'it only take a minute girl' replacing the line 'to fall in love' to 'to torch a building'. The arsoning continues with his burning down of Bez's maracas factory in which Kram sings 'Shine' whilst watching the fire shine, obviously.

After the interval the song back for good is sang because, well they're back from the break, so back for good. Making the audience wait ages again isn't compulsory, but certainly encouraged just to get the most discontent and grumpyness from the auidence and also to fill time for an already incredibly short peice of entertainment.

In Kram's growing difficulty in torching all of Manchester's musical history, he enlists the help of Drawoh, Nosaj and Yrag to help 'relight my fire' and relight the continuing torching of manchester's musical history, but not coronation street, although memories of Adam Rickitt are certainly going to be burned, particularly that stupid plastic case he danced around in that video, it's just as well he's now an MP or summat and it's just as well I'm releasing my deep seated resentment for Adam Rickitt, twat. Once the lads had torched all mentions of other music coming from manchester other than take that (and Mick Hucknall, gotta love those gingers!) they conclude they have no regrets over it and sing Robbie Walliams hit song 'No Regrets' just to confuse and throw the audiences and see how many of them are paying attention. No one really cares if they are paying attention, as long as they are paying.

The whole marvellous production concludes with Never forget, inviting the audience to never forget the production they've just seen. And that's how it's done you good for nothing Gnome buyer.

Note: I don't really hate Adam Rickitt, look I'll link to his offical site and everything. Go look!