Thursday, February 14, 2008

What I've been upto

I'm still in denial and think February has just begun, when of course it hasn't. Fuck. Well this is what I've been upto since I last blogged, bad news I'm afriad, this blog is going to be a weep peice, my face got stuck in the below expression for two weeks.My mum has always wanted me to pull normal expressions in photos, unfortunately I am a rebel, and rebelled against my mother's photo system and continued to pollute photos of me (count the 451 polluted photos of me on social networking phenomena feecesbook) and sadly my face froze for two weeks in the above photo. At the time it was fun, but it quickly became a chore, for a start my speech became incredibly restricted, and couldn't really say words, just mutter everything, which became incredibly annoying when your pub quizzing and you just know that The Former Yuogslavian Republic's David Brent in their version of the golden globe winning triumph The Office is called Midge Ure, but they can't make out what you're saying and they end up writing down 'measure' because they think it could be a name of someone from the former Yugoslavian republic (of Massive Donna) because for some reason they think the name Reg is Latvian for feces and that's justification enough. Fools!

And the women, well let me tell you no longer could I accidentally stare at a pair of lady bollocks, no, I was permanently staring in the ceiling doing a face that can be mistaken for "Phwoar". The amount of slaps I got was ridiculous, but on the plus side it did push back my acne infection. Thanks gals!

No one takes you seriously with my new facial expression, which was hard because I had to inform a friend of mine that their favourite uncle had exploded out of eating too much Haribo and drinking too much Carling at the same time (harling he calls, the harlot), try saying that with my face, it's impossible, particularly as that favourite uncle kept his harling addiciton a secret from his friend's and family. She just giggled herself silly, she probably still thinks that their favourite uncle is around to fulfill a meaningful facebook friend relationship.

So basically life is a bit of a shitter at the moment, my face hasn't gone back to it's usual position, fortunately my mouth has slight shifted half way back to its usual position, but my eyes are still starring up, so I got a friend to put up a mirror on the ceiling and I'm typing the blog staring up. Just as well I can touch type, but I have to proof read!

So please, next time you pull a stupid mug into a camera lens, do me a favour and don't, unless you want your face permanently fixed in the position. Ruining photos should be a crime, just treat every photo like a photo you'd want Grandma to see, please!

Do me a favour and try and have a nice valentines day, there's not been a charity set up for my condition, but I'll get back to you if there is one, go out, have fun and use your facial expressions responsibly, thank you.

Tip: Don't watch Lily Allen and Friend's on BBC3, because that'll force your face to do all manner of disgusted facial expressions.

6 comments:

Ant said...

Hope you get better soon. x

Chezza said...

get well soon hun, i haven;t watched lilly allen yet, i should do because of David

DanProject76 said...

I assumed the Lily Allen show was a spoof. Did David Mitchell write it? That would explain why he was forced to talk to that silly silly girl.

Clive_Evil_C said...

Ant and Chezza, thanks for your well wishes! Chezza, Don't watch the Lily Allen show just for David, it's a really poor excuse to watch a really shite show.

Dan - Maybe it is a spoof, a spoof of the kind of shows they made a few years when the internets was first big and they try cautiously to implement it into a show. I watch TV not to get what I can get off the internet, keep them separate identities! Gah!

Anonymous said...

Y'know, you wouldn't have watched Lily Allen if David Mitchell hadn't have been on. *Sigh* Suppose that's what you get for loving someone too much, lol.

And you think it's bad you think it's still early February? I can't believe how long ago the millennium was now - still think the late 90's were only a couple of years back, rather than the decade they are. Oh well.

Mimey said...

I'd like to say something comforting and reassuring, but I appear to be LAUGHING at your plight. Heartily. What a bitch I am.

Is Lily Allen's show not worth it for the hot fringe action?