Transformers!

Before I start, I should warn that I may got slightly spoilerish, although saying that the story of the film isn't that important, not the end of the world if that's ruined.

Anyway onto my attempt at a review, I hate Michael Bay films, Pearl Harbour, Insulting, Armageddon, Insulting, Bad Boys 2, Insulting, The Rock, well okay that one is okay and I suppose so was the Island, for the first 45 minutes at least. So onto Transformers directed by Michael Bay, I liked it. It was a decent comedy film for the first two thirds of it, some brilliant slapstick in a scene around the lead's house, a masturbation gag (there needs to be more wanking gags in hollywood films, I demand it, if the Bourne Ultimatum doesn't have an ownerism related gag, consdier me dissapointed) although I felt sorry for the parent behind me when his young son asking "whats masturbation?", generally a pretty funny film for 2/3rd of it, well it had to be for such a ridiculous premise. It'll probably turn out to be funnier than the Simpsons movie which I'm scared of seeing because I really really really don't want it to be shite like recent seasons of the show have been.

Back to them robots in disguise, Shia LaBeouf as lead, pretty good actor, nails the part, I look forward to seeing him in the new Indiana Jones film, Megan Fox the female lead? cor look at that cleavage. The last third of the film was completely crash, bang, wallop what a hollywood film. It got too silly in the end. And ending the film with the two leads kissing ontop of a transformer in his lovely car form? Was this a transformer threesome? Then to show the other transformers watching? Was the film going to end with a transformer orgy? The questions! "Dad what's an orgy?" I want an X Rated version.

Transformers excited me enough for me to buy my own little toy from Woolies before hand. Look it's a scene from a potential new movie from Hasbro, Brokeback Plastic.I made a Brokeback Mountain gag, I am so topical at times. Well I attempt at gags.

Oh. My. God. Spiderman 3

What a fuck up of a film. It was a decent film, but the first thing I said after I saw it was "I think I liked it". I don't want to go too deep into spoilers (so I can attempt to be vague at least), but let's just say Peter Parker the emo years is horrible film in a film that could be very easily split up into four films. It was just unintentionally hilarious (almost a parody of the film) with a montage with Peter Parker being all emo (I thought at one point he might write some poetry!), and the evil black suit that bizzarley makes his hair emo. But he just becomes such a shit I just didn't care about Peter Parker anymore (in particular a scene in a jazz club was just plain horrible, and bizzare), he might as well go fuck himself for all I cared.

Harry Osbornes's butler has to be my new favourite character, he provoked unintentional giggles in the cinema from the line "I loved your father" and just happened to wait two fucking films to tell something to Harry that might of ended him being all bitter and twisted. The necessary Stan Lee cameo was horrible, a British reporter in the dramatic (probably) battle was another aspect of the film that was unintentionally hilarious. It's wasn't a shit film, it just frustrated me at how much it was fucked up of a film. I haven't been this frustrated about a film this much since X-men 3.

So in conclusion I might have liked the film more if the middle third of the film was deleted. Oh well it gave me and my friends enough to sustain a rant all the way during the half hour walk home. Thanks for enabling the ranting Sam Raimi at least.

Here's a video just for Peter Parker entitled 'Must be an emo'
This song was running through my head during the film.