Jay Z, the prophet.

Confession time folks, I went a bit crazy last night after reading that Rihanna's hit song about Umbrellas had been number one for nine weeks. NINE WEEKS. I think it's rubbish, but so rubbish it's ruddy grown on me. It's only after my thirty third listen to it this morning that I've realised that rapper Jay Z's rapping is profound, intelligent, thought provoking and tells you more than you might think upon first listen.

Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

Nice start Mr. Jay Z, a bit of Ahuh Ahuh sounds, a quick name check of the artist ensuring the record buying public know who download illegally. Good girl gone bad? Persoanlly I'm shocked, Why has Rihanna gone bad, if she's a good girl, always returning her library books on time, why would she go bad, would it be perhaps Rihanna found a corrupting book in one of her unfortunate god forsaken library trips and decided to raise two fingers to the library system with their dictation of when to return books, and she will infact return books when she wants to. I'm glad the character of the narrator in the form of Jay Z states this, otherwise it would seem Rihanna is proud of the fact she rebels against the the library system. For fuck sake Rihanna the library system is in place to ensure you don't hog the books. Bitch. And as for take three, Rihanna, take as many books as you think you can read in the three week period, not three everytime.

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain

Nice to know Jay Z is concerned for us southerners in Engerland, I'm fed up of the rappers that influx these shores being obsessed with northen issues such as 50 cent's candy shop, and that Jay Z is covering real issues. Although he maybe a year late, we've had shit loads of rain down south mate, last year was shit for lack of rain, but thanks for implying you care about us southern counties record buyers.

I hydroplane into fame (Eh eh)

I don't personally know what a hydroplane is, but wikki tells me it is a very specific type of motorboat used exclusively for racing and infact one of the unique things about these boats is that they only use the water they're on for propulsion and steering. So Jay Z has invested money into hydroplanes and this is how he has gained his fame. Bit of a shallow boast, because I've never heard of hydroplanes, I've heard of his fame, it's a shame he has tarnished his sucessful hydroplane career by doing some nonsense singing career, silly boy.Cor Hydroplanes look cool, or look like Thunderbird 4. Or are thunderbird 4? Quick Jay, get the rights to make a real life thunderbird 4, at once!

Come'n down with the Dow Jones

Another reference to his finanicial sucess from hydroplanes. It's just subliminal advertising for his hydroplane business. Very subtle. He's obviously breaking the news that he expects to float this hydroplane business on the stock exchange. Get in early guys!

When the clouds come we gone
We Rocafella (Eh eh)

Subliminal advertising for the american version of Little Britain there, by the time it's shown in america, thanks to the song everyone will already know the catchphrase Eh Eh Eh. I hear Jay Z likes it when the women vomit. He hasn't got that sophisticated sense of humour, sadly. I'm going to choose to ignore the rocafella telling the listener to rock or 'stone' a fella. It's just mean Jay!

She fly higher than weather
And she rocks it better

Quite a claim, I doubt Rihanna can fly higher than clouds. I doubt she can evil fly, unless you are talking of planes. Or maybe Jay Z's hydroplanes? And I sincerly doubt she rocks louder than thunder.

You know me
An anticipation for precipitation

Jay Z boasting about his degree in Meterology he gained from the University of Reading. But what he won't say is that he only just scraped a third.

stacks chips for the rainy day (Eh eh)

Chips? In Rain, you must be jocking right, fried potato will just go soggy. Silly Billy.

Jay, rain man is back with lil Ms. Sunshine

Jay Z name checking two of his favourite movies, both I gather are supposed to be quite good, I might get round to watching them at some point.

Rihanna where you at?

Well if you quit spouting your subliminal advertising for hydroplanes and american versions of little britain, and validating Rihanna's library rebellion ideas, perhaps she might start singing. Cock.Rihanna and Jay Z's Umbrella is available to buy if you want to ensure it's number one for a tenth week. I know I want it number one for a tenth week. Do you?