My bestestest Friend

I got a message from a delightful fella called James on the MySpace. So delightful, so full of friendlyness I wanted to share with you. Here goes:

How’s things in Wiltshire? (Witlshire, I dunno where you got the idea I was from Wiltshire from, infact I don't really know where it is. I did say I was from Wiltshire once when I phoned into one of those DAB music radio station with the same bland playlist (Can you play Shakira?), I was Wayne Carr and I wanted the sweet escape by When Steffani, they didn't play my message, just my tune)
Your profile looks really good, my boss also said she likes your pictures! (Why have you been showing your boss my pictures? Bit sneaky isn't it. Spying on me like this. I'm hurt).

I’m a talent scout for one if the UK’s leading talent and modelling agencies and basically my boss has sent me on here to try and find some extras for filming pieces coming up in Dorset and also other modelling jobs. We have got quite a lot of part-time Modelling work coming up and not enough models in the area. (But I don't want to go down to Dorset for some modelling work, admitedly I'm going to Dorset next month, but you my friend James don't know that, besides it would seem I have a job lined up already, but I'm not mentioning that on my blog).

Its basically earning money for standing around looking good, and you don’t need any experience – everyone is friendly, the payment is roughly £180 - £225 per day for being an extra for the filming– and we need about 200 people. (But I don't like standing, my legs have been designed so I find it hard to stand around, I can walk around quite happily, but stand around like you've proposed just sounds like hard work. Besides the standing around looking good, I've never tried to do that, teach me to look good, and teach me to stand, you're in for a logistical nightmare James to teach me two things at once! Gah! If I wasn't good looking enough to be picked to sit in the front seats for the filming of the David Mitchell/Johnny Vaughan panel show Best of Worst, what makes you think I'm good enough for you!).

I’ve just been looking at your pictures and you look good, just wondering if you have ever thought about part-time modelling? (No, not ever, I still don't believe most of my acne has cleared up and I've just had a haircut which I don't really like, fringe is cut too short, gah it's a nightmare James mate, as a vain shit, you must feel my pain).

Let me know ASAP (You want a sap of myself, sure you can get sap of tress, but not off people James, you're not too bright are you mate? Unless by sap you mean semen, then quite frankly I'm not into that kind of stuff)

James – sorry if this sounds a bit random!!!! (Random, you're telling me. But thanks all the same, you made me consider for 10 seconds to look into modelling, and you offended me with your obscene number of exclamation marks used. How horrific).

On evidence of this message I think I'll stick with Facebok.