Mee4Mee

1. Do you know where your dad is right now?
I'm gonna do one of those MeMe's wot I saw on the social networking phenomenon BeFaceSpaceBo, enjoy.

2. Last time you kissed someone?
Downstairs.

3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
Not entirely sure, alcohol was involved.

4. What color is your watch?
I can't tell the time.

5. Do you like anyone?
I can't tell the time.

6. Are you close to your mum?
I like my Mum.

7. Where do you work?
I like my Mum.

8. What are you listening to right now?
N/A

9. What do you smell like?
My sweet lord.

10. What color are your pants?
Like manure.

11. Closest thing to your left?
A lacey red.

12. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Something foul.

13. Do you have a chair in your room?
No, I don't believe in them.

14. What time were you born?
I wouldn't be able to do this without it.

15. Do you play any sports?
In the morning.

16. What's your favorite number?
No, they don't agree with me.

17. Do you know someone named Lori?
One thousand, one hundred and thirty eight.

18. What color is your mom's hair?
Isn't that the name of a shampoo?

19. Do you have a dog?
It's brown.

20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
No, I wasn't allowed.

21. When's the last time you went swimming?
In the summertime.

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Many years ago.

23. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
About an hour ago.

24. Do you play an instrument?
Once I got one stuck up arse, I wasn't allowed. Shame.

25. Do you like fire?
Only when I'm trying to impress people.

27. When was the last time you cried?
No, it hurts.

28. I love you.
I'm too macho to answer that.

29. Have you ever been to a spa?
Can I get back to you on that?

30. Did you take science all four years of high school?
No, I can't afford it.

31. Do you like butterflies?
I gave it up as soon as I could (at 16).

32. Who made you laugh last?
I don't dislike them.

33. What is one thing you miss about your past?
When I killed someone.

34. Have you ever seen the school counselor?
Being a child

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
I had one?

36. What is one thing you have learned about life?
I don't want to be a teacher.

37. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not to be jealous of anyone.

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
Why ask that?

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
Everyone should be.

40. What does your dad call you?
Once it happened.

41. What does your mum call you?
By my name.

42. What does you hair look like right now?
Shaggy.

43. Has a friend ever used you?
A bit weird.

44. Has anyone recently told you that they like you more than a friend?
Now I think about it, someone probably has.

45. What have you eaten today?
Why would that happen?

46. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Sausages.

47. What is your favourite movie?
My sister.

48. Who was the last person who texted you?
The parole officer.

49. What are you looking forward to?
Orange.

50. How was today?
Hell.

Well that was fun.
Not much has happened today for me to be able to answer that question.

I may have stolen a gag from a two Ronnies sketch, but ten questions into this MeMe I was bored and I had to do something different.Hopefully what I've written makes some sense.

BLERGH

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
My penis what I put in my mouth.
Whoops, I forgot to put in a space, My pen is what I put in my mouth

What does your last text message say?
I have no idea, I'm not popular enough to get text messages, besides my phone is like on the other side of the room, and it might be private, who are you to ask for me to transcribe that text for your nosy pleasure? You people make me sick.

What was the last song you listened to?
I have Last FM to answer those questions, apparently it was steal my sunshine by LEN, what a tune.

What's your favorite colors?
I like all colours as long as they are used right.

Who do you trust in your life?
Everyone and no-one.

What name would you change your name to?
Marcus Aurelius, that sounds cool.

How often do you curse?
Alot. Want me to curse now as proof, well tough shit, I aint gonna pander to preconceived expectations.

Do you trust all of your friends?
Why should I not? if they like me, then they're trustworthy.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
I'd like to think so.

Name the things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Being forced to walk around town naked. That relationship would be rather odd in my book.

Which one of your top friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
Top friends? Sounds a bit too MySpace, and seeing as I deleted that turd of a thing, I can't answer your question. Good escape there hey?

What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex ?
Oh the usual.

What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Finish my degree?

If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you want to see first?
Father Christmas

Would you make a good parent?
I'd be a wonderful parent, I'd take my sprog to the park all the time and take the sprogs to trips to the dentist and the candlestick maker. They'd be spoiled rotten my sprogs, that's for sure.

Where was your default picture taken?
On the facebook? Twas at my sister 18th birthday lunch meal out family lunch meal out.

What does your 11th text say?
We've been through this, I can't be arsed to go into this. Let's make up one though;

'Yeah she did lick it, but I was confused as to why'.

Its 4 in the morning, your phone rings who do you expect it to be?
Father Christmas

How is life going for you right now?
Dull.

Who was the last person you talked to on MSN?
Someone wise. I can't remember, but someone wise.

Last words you spoke?
"Oh it 6:55 AM, I aint getting out of bed now, I'm going back to sleep" Lazy turd.

Can you play guitar hero?
Never tried it. Should I?

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Inbetween, not too hot, not too cold.

What do you currently hear right now?
A plane going over head.

What do you think your best friend's doing right now?
Killing a man.

Who is your number one person on your friends list?
It's all alphabetically so some one A.

Do you feel like dancing?
Not at the moment, I'm still in bed.

How much money do you have on you?
Nothing, I don't carry money with me when wearing pyjamas, oh you are silly.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Yes. How dare they.

Do you speak another language other than English?
I have a GCSE in German and Italian. So no.

What did you do today?
Woke up, grabbed my laptop, came back into bed.

Did you date anyone this past summer?
No, other than you know who. (By you know who I mean no one).

Who was the last friend in your house?
Father Christmas

Is there someone you want to fight?
There's only one way to find out... FIGHT.

What are you thinking about right now?
I should shower.

What were you doing an hour ago?
Lying in bed.

Where were you friday night?
Home

Do you wear the seatbelt in the car?
Yes, when I haven't got a socially awkward reason not to.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?
Father Christmas

Next vacation you are going on?
Reading.

Do you like to text or call more?
Neither. It's rude to bother people ;)

Whats the closest blue object to you?
My quilt!

Is there anyone you hate?
You, nothing personal, you've just got one of those faces.

Do you like the color orange?
It's amazing.

Where was your last long road trip to?
Father Christmas

Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
Oh yes. Like Father Christmas.

Who did you last talk to on the phone to?
My mum, she was in Malta, an international call, how exciting!

Where will you be in an hour?
In the shower? It'll take me about an hour to get out of bed.

I haven't bothered to write an introductory paragraph to this, sorry.

Question me this will you

I have no ruddy idea what I quite mean with the title to this blog, but I is nicking the MeMe thingy that the Dan did of the the blog fame in order to trade of his cool and for me to do something that will result in the most pleasurable sound know to man (the sound of a man thrashing it out on a keyboard, by trashing I mean typing, yeah that).

The house I grew up in...
had two television aerials, one side of the house we'd have Meridian, the other we'd have London television. Another excitement was my thunderbirds wallpaper, I was only allowed thunderbirds border, in case I out grew thunderbirds, which I eventually did. (Although it still has a kick ass theme, and if I was talented and driven enough I'd make my own proper thunderbirds film, done properly and not that horse shit of the recent film).

When I was a child I wanted to be...
a thunderbird? a cartoonist? a postman? a man who did silly voices?

Actually I don't think I ever wanted to be a thunderbird, to brave for me.

The moment that changed me for ever...
was year 10 at school when we changed sites for school and I just became woefully awkward and lacked confidence. Crazy days (look I'm using humour because I'm being depressing!)

My greatest inspiration...
is you, you reading this inspires me to type out this clap trap sometime a few times a month.

My real-life villain...
Oh I don't hate anyone enough to have a villan, other than cunts at school, but that's behind me.

If I could change one thing about myself...
to be less awkward?

At night I dream of...
a wide variety of wank (wanks in dreams are called wet dreams), the other day I dreamed up my own super hero story, I can't remember any sadly, but I'm sure it would be a kick ass film and a superb graphic novel.

What I see when I look in the mirror...
is myself, I usually get bored of my own reflection so pull a stupid face.

My style icon...
whaaaaaaaaa? Style? I just buy some cheap shit from Primark that I feel comfortable enough in.

My favourite item of clothing...
is my pants, because I can't do comando, I like the cupping around the bollocks too much.

I wish I'd never worn...
tracksuit bottoms!

It's not fashionable but I like...
Hear'say, shit they've just come onto my itunes shuffle. I am fashionable.

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at...
Hear'Say trivia. Did you know Mylene Klass went on that I'm a celebrity show. FACT!

You may not know it but I'm no good at...
Liberty X trivia, did not care for them. They insist upon themselves.

All my money goes on...
DVDs, Drinking, buying packed sandwiches everyday even though it would be cheaper to make my own, food, drink (of non alcholic varieties), tat, tits.

If I have time to myself...
I PROCRASTINATE my prostate off.

I drive/ride...
when I scrounge lifts, but I don't mind the walk.

My house/flat is...
Oh I tidied my room today, it took 3 hours, but I did it, would you like to see photos, its so great, you can see the carpet and everything. Oh yesh.Well it was either tidy me room or do my dissertation, as you can see I made the right decision.

My most valuable possession is...
my willy, it permits me to expel urine, which is waste product.

My favourite building...
is the sexy new carrington building on campus, it defines sex for all to enjoy. Sadly I can't find any photos for you to enjoy on google, but I got a nice image of the B&Q logo, so imagine that here, and feel aroused.

Movie heaven...
is watching a star wars film.

A book that changed me...
is Star Wars the book of the film, its like what I watched in the cinema, but printed in text for me imagine myself. Except red leader was blue leader in the book!

My favourite work of art...
is some of my procrastination art which you can find somewhere on this blog.

The last album I bought/downloaded...
The Go Team!

The person who really makes me laugh...
are professional comedians that are paid to do that kind of stuff.

After watching the empire awards last night, Rob Brydon doing stand up or presenting doesn't make me laugh, just makes me cringe, he's a great comedy actor, not a comedian, stick to what you're good at Rob, please!

The shop I can't walk past...
is Tk Haxxzor without wanting to vomit.

The best invention ever...
is the internets I like the internets.

In ten years time, I hope to be...
a sex offender/ a murderer/ a rapist/ a therapist.

Oh I mis-read the question and thought it said 'hoped not be'

My greatest regret...
is not worth me thinking about because then I'll think 'I regret that'

My life in seven words...
Procastinating.
Typography.
Sleeping.
Makingatitofmyself.
Laughingatthecomedy.
Drinking.
Brushing.

----------------
Now playing: Hear'say - Pure and Simple
via FoxyTunes

Rawk on!

Because I haven't done this a year

Stolen from someone who wanted me to cheer for them, here's one of those MeMe things I gave up doing, but well, here's one for the fun factor.

What is in the back seat of your car right now?
I have no car, unless you're being dirty and talking about my arse, and I can assure you no cock is inserted in my arse.

When was the last time you threw up?
Last Wednesday at the student's union, pizza somehow didn't mix with the snakebite, lovely. What a nice story, isn't it?

What age will you be next birthday?
Twentington Two.

What's your favourite curse word?
Depends what mood I'm in, cunt just sounds great, but the other day when I was cutting myself* I was saying 'Bodger' as a curse word.

*By cut myself I mean washing up and accidentally cutting myself on the sharp implements, I'm no emu.

Name 3 people who made you smile today.
I started today drunk in a club, so I can't remember who made me smile, but I'm sure they did. I've been a bit too blue this day for many smiles though (post inebriation period) but my friend said last night "I'd never be normal", that is still making me smile.

What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning?
Showering, Shittering and Shavering.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Checking facebook, I gone and got invited to an event on facebook!

Where were you born?
Cockfield, Sussex.

Have you ever been to a strip club?
No, but can we please go for my twentington twoth birthday please! Actually I've just realised I'm not twentington oneth, I have no idea why for a brief minute I thought I was 21, actually I think I told people last week I was 21! Just because alot of my friend's are 21 I seem to think subconsciously I'm already 21! Gah!

What is the last thing you said aloud?
Why do I think I'm 21 when I'm actually 20? Only for me to hear, but still said out loud.

What is the best ice cream flavour?
Strawberry is good, I'll go with that.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Oasis Summer Fruits, the drink that I've now dubbed my dissertation drink, buy a bottle and shit out my dissertation!

What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, pants, socks, and a 'my parents went to Denmark and all I got was this Carlsberg TeeHee shirt' T Shirt.

What was the last thing you ate?
Pasta and meatballs.

Have you bought any new clothes this week?
No, clothes shopping scares me, and only happens under extreme situations. (Like when I get pissed off with holey jeans).

Where were you last?
Other than the house, the library!

What's the last sporting event you watched? Who won?
I don't even know what sport is.

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message while blogging?
The last person who gone and commented on me blog was the mimey of cheer for her fame.

Ever go camping?
No, I'm an awkward penis when it comes to places to sleep.

Where do you live?
A Studen House of moderate maintenance levels.

What song are you listening to?
Sledgehammer by Peter Gabrielle

Do you have a tan?
No, I don't tan, I burn, I am a pasty wasty shite.

Do you drink your soda from a straw?
No, I've never enjoyed using straws (apart from some straw usage in McDonalds type situations, they just make you take even longer to drink the drink!

What did your last text message say?
I can't even be arsed to get off my bed to dictate a message that was sent to me, and whom I should be the only reader of. But I think it's something about my student evening plans for tomorrow.

Who's your best friends?
The housemates are good friends, and the group of friends from the old halls of residence are lovely too, and other people are lovely too. I'm just happy having a lovely group of friends rather than a best friend.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Working on my dissertation, food shopping and going to the student union to stamp myself silly with student electoral campaign stamps, might try and get more than four on my face.Me this morning after the night before, oh I am silly.

Where is your mom right now?
Home.

Look to your right, what do you see?
Shit ugly curtains that don't hold in quite enough heat. Cunts.

What colour is your watch?
I don’t have a watch, well I do, but I don't use it since the strap broke, I prefer to use my mobile telephone machine to know the time.

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
The classic simpsons episode Bart Vs. Australia, one of my absolute favourite simpsons episodes!

Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes several, ones in Thorpe Park, Chessington, Alton Towers, Brighton Pier, Disneyland Paris and somewhere else.

What is your birthstone?
I don't buy into that bollocks to be able to answer your question.

Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through?
Just in. I can't drive, and I don't believe in eating fast food.

What is your favourite number?
Your favourite number, but doubled, divided by 3 and added to pi.

Do you have a dog?
No, I prefer cats, none of that pathetic pandering for attention.

Last person you talked to on the phone?
I have no idea, I receive very few phone calls, but I'm pretty sure they're a lovely person.

Have you met anyone famous?
Yes, I met Julian Barret of the once funny Mighty Boosh in a pub in Oxford, I called him Noel, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw.

Any plans today?
No, the day's pretty much finished, I'm gonna go to bed at reasonable hour because it'll end my crabby mood and I'll maybe watch some Curb Your Enthusiasm, I'm now addicted to the show and have season 3 and 4 on DVD awaiting a watch.

How many states have you lived in?
Counties here mate, and two, Sussex and Berkshire.

Ever go to college?
I went to six form, and I'm at University doing a course I'm doing piss poor at that's just plain making me blue. Aberdeen Aberdie.

Where are you right now?
On my bed, kinky innit.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
COURSEWORK AND MY SHIT MARKS I'M GETTING FOR MY THIRD AND FINAL YEAR AT UNIVERSITY AND HOW MUCH I'LL BE TEARING MY HAIR OVER EASTER HOLIDAYS AND APRIL, AND THE NAGGING DOUBT THAT MAYBE WHAT I THOUGHT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE JUST MIGHT NOT BE THE CASE!

I'm happy, thanks for asking... ish.

Are you in love with someone right now?
No, I'd need a relationship, but I loves the family of course.

Are you allergic to anything?
I think I'm allergic to cats, but I'm still not 100% on that.

Favourite pair of shoes?
The trainers I always wear, variety in footwear is for cunts.

Do any of your friends have children?
The only person I can think of is the lovely person who filled this question thing before me.

Do you eat healthy?
Not really, I don't eat unhealthily, I just eat and meh, I'll worry about that when I start putting on weight whenever that happens.

What do you usually do during the day?
UNI WORK THAT I AM SUCKING AT.

Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Of course, unless I'm being a shut in, but that doesn't happen, I'm pretty sure I make human contact every day to say hellow.

How did you get one of your scars (if you have any)?
From when I let some friends drag across the room in a banterific type way (can't believe Reading Student's Union are saying banterific like it's even a fucking word).

I really enjoyed shitting out those answers, I hope you enjoyed reading them, I love you.

Monday MeMe

Well I think it's Monday, but my Battlestar Galactica calender reliably informs me it is infact Thursday, Oh I am blond.

Anyway, here's some MeMe of the year 2007. I kind of have gone off MeMe's, but as has become apparent this year to me, my memory just isn't as good as I thought it was, so by doing this maybe I'll remember summat.

1) Where did you begin 2007?
At a friend's house playing a wild game of Monopoly! Wild Thing! It didn't make my heart sing, but I think it made everything, groovy.

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Very much available, so if the Doctor's companion that never was, Sally Sparrow, was going to go back in time, she could come back to Valentines Days last year and find me.She's so lover-lee, she's so lover-lee. But I won't allow her to be Lee's lover.

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Well does University count as schooling? Probably not I'd imagine, it's just a burden on tax payers for young people to get drunk.

4) How did you earn your money?
Well I got fired from some place at the start of 2007, earned some from there, and I had a summer job at the airport which sadly didn't give me quite enough shifts. Shame, I quite liked working at the airport.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Particularly when my arse fell off.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
No, and I was well gagging for it. I want to be told off by those police officers that are horse bound that go round the streets of University town. Then I could tell people that a horse arrested me just to get confused looks. "Mum, a horse arrested me" I'd bet the first question I'd get asked was not what I got arrested for, but how could a horse arrest me! I could completely skirt around the issue of what I got arrested for, marvellous!

7) Where did you go on holiday?
I went to Portugal for a week with the family and down to Dorset for a few days. Oh Yesh.

8) What did you purchase that was over £500?
Me MacBook. Ouch. But it's pretty and can take pictures of myself in an oh some tiresome form.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
No.

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
No. Oh two dull No answers, I wanna put a funny answer. I passed wind. Tee Hee. Farts.

11) Have you run into anybody you left high school with?
Well not literally ran into, but went out a couple of time this year with some old school friends. Which was nice. (Sorry, been watching too much fast show). We didn't literally run into each other though. That would knock you out cold right? You ain't seen me, right?

12) Did you move anywhere?
Yes, from one side of the park full of dogging and mugging in the university town, to the other side (the safer side).

13) What sporting events did you go to?
Don't be silly, I don't do or observe sports. Unless and England game is on, then I call Steve Mclaren a wanker like everyone else. Let's hope that new one will be Fab.

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
I saw Rocky Horror at the start of the year, and went to plenty of Mitchell and Webby shows this year. And I saw Karl Kennedy of Neighbours fame. And maybe I saw other stuff, but I forget now. Something I forget now, but wasn't in the middle of.

15) Are you registered to vote?
Yes. Damm you Gordon Brown for not calling a snap election, I wanted to make sure I voted for anyone but David Cameron.

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
Wot that racist clap trap? Oh feck off.

But oddly I'm interested in watching the new big brother that starts tonight, which I'm quite worried about, they sound like an interesting group of people, and sounds like a nice shake up to the format that is needed. I'm worried about myself.

17) Where do you live now?
The University town.

18. Describe your last birthday.
Think I went out for a nice meal in an Ask, why do you ask?

19) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2007?
Get fired! And I did!

20) What has been your favourite moment?
Oh I dunno, genuinely just hanging out with lovely people having a laugh is a nice enough to garner several favourite moments.

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I'm lazy, stubborn and not that open. And from career guidance module in the university coarse, that British people just don't sell themselves and would prefer to put themselves down.

I have a good butt. Shame it fell off.

22) Any new additions to your family?
Not that I recall.

23) What was your best month?
I'd go with August, two nice trips away, bit of work to keep me busy and catching up with friends. That would be the best month I'd say.

24) What music will you remember 2007 by?
Scooch, when me and some house mates went Eurovision mad in supporting this act of pure cheese, yes we were being silly, but it was fun.

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
I dunno, I've kind of been a bit lame this year and not been arsed to get drunk on several opportunities. I'd go with people who don't hate me when I'm drunk, thats what you need in a drinking buddy.

26) Made new friends?
Yeah, well I've been collecting more Facebook friends last year so I'd say thats a sign of making some new friends.

27) Best new friend?
Oh I can't be arsed with best new friend stuff. You like me, I like you, we are friends lets do a poo.

28) Favourite Nights out?
December 31st was a good giggle, and thats the most recent night out I've had, so I pick that. The worse recent night out I've recently had was when I was dragged to see St. Trinians. Very poor.Ha, Ha. Aren't those girls naughty? Ugh.

29) Any regrets?
Oh probably. but don't you learn from your regrets, or something like that?

The last time I read a MeMe...

...was Dan's a few days ago, and coincidently it deals with lasts. Sounds fun. Well I am bored. Its about last things and he made it up because he is what people call a genius.

Things that made you laugh (out loud or just in your head)?

I watched quite a bit of comedee teevee tonight, so that's easy.
The Peter Serafinowicz Show (it's improving, still solid stuff, but I still can't remember how to spell his surname, curse my memory).
Scrubs (It's solid comedy that I don't quite like enough to buy on DVD, but still enjoy it).
The Daily Show (Jon Stewart, John Oliver, perfect, even if the more american jokes pass over my head).
The Simpsons (Classic decent simpsons episode, not that movie tripe).

And ummm... something that made me laugh today that wasn't on teevee. Maybe my lecturer, after setting a vague design brief for a project which required half an hour discussion to understand it, said 'May the force be with you'. Just to make it more mysterious. I think he could be a Jedi.

Things you put in your mouth?

Orange and Pineapple and summat else squash,
Cherry Coke,
Chicken, chips and BAKED BEANS.
Breakaway.

A Pen (love the nervous biting of a biro in a lecture. Classic).

Blue things you saw?

I can't remember, I'm just going to looking around my room.
A pack of W H Smiths white tack that I brought to put up my new heroes poster,
Obi Wan Kenobi's lightsabre,
The 'SAVE NOW' button on blogger,
Mighty Boosh Series 1 DVD,
My scummy (maybe cummy, I have no ultra violet light) student house room carpet.

Crying pairs of pants?
Wot? Pants wot has holes in them? Leaks ahoy?

Daily Express headline subjects?

Something about the Nuremberg trials of the Nazi war criminals, I think that Daily Express readers think its disgraceful that Albert Speer didn't get the death penalty, and I think Daily Express readers should be angry that Hitler's architect got away from the Nuremberg trials with his life, sure he was one of the few officials to express remorse and was sentenced to 20 years' imprisonment but I think Albert Speer should be a headline on the Express.Something like this.

(learn more about Albert Speer on your friend Wikkipedia here)

I can't believe I'm attempting Nazi gags on my blog. I have no shame.

Vampire slayers?

There's one called Buffy on that show Buffy the vampire slayer, a show I imagine I'd rather love if I only got round to watching it (like probably alot of shows, Arrested Development comes to mind, I bet its awesome if I got round to viewing it, damm you fox for canceling it etc).

Root vegetables?

Chips.

Celebrities you could imagine dead, and the prefered method?

The 'celebrities' I want dead are the ones that should not judged to even be fecking celebrities.

Moments of temporary insanity?

I don't think today I was particularly insane today (for a change, if it had been any other day I might of been able to regale you all with the details), more frustrated and annoyed was today.

Things you looked at on this computer that you are using right now?

Albert Speer's page on Wikkipedia
Facebook, well someone new might want to be my friend!
I think I went on MySpace for whatever reason,
I checked my itunes playlist and made sure I listened to James Blunt's 1973 again.

Cut and Shunt MeMe

These MeMes usually have dull questions, but I'm going to take one of them and combine every 3 questions into one question. That'll make it more interesting, probably.

1. First thing you wash in your favourite coffee?

My white pants, I want to give the impression that I've shat myself after all.

2. Do you say "feeling RIGHT" in the last dream you remember having?

Only when I feel right in those dreams. But alot of dreams I feel uneasy, like the dream I had this morning when I went back to working at the Garden Centre, that didn't make me wanna say "Feeling RIGHT"

3. What comes to mind when I say craving a dance with me to the cabbage song?

The Cabbage song is quite erotic? Are you really sure you want me to be dancing to that? Seems inappropirate considering the cabbage massacres last week as well.

4. Do you use 1,000 ice cream smileys?

Using my finger to draw a smiley face in my ice cream seems unhygenic, why I would do one thousand of those I don't know. Seems wrong, and rude.

5. How many bedroom celebrity cottage cheeses are in your house?

Not many celebrities protest to be interested in the old cottage cheese bedroom pheonomina, but thats a mixed blessing so whilst you don't get many around, you get a higher grade of celebrities making bedroom cottage cheese, so sadly I only have two, the Jeremy Clarkson one, and the Richard Hammond one. But I refuse to get the James May one.

6. What was the last song your parents visited?

Something deeply erotic that left me traumatised.

7. Would George W. Bush go sky diving whilst throwing potatoes ?

If I know anything about George W. Bush, it's that his middle letter doesn't stand for wanker, that's just rude. But also he does grasp science sometimes, so he would refuse to throw potatoes out of plane, because they'd gain momentum and be really heavy when they did hit someone. Ouch town.

8. Is there sparkly Maths class on Saturady?

I think it's cancelled. They've run out of glitter.

9. What day is rap music falling in New York?

Like Hammer-time, but Hammer-day.

10. What was your best friend's cream puffs lunch?

Cream puffs are an inapropriate lunch I think, they should have something full of protein and I don't think cream puffs are. But it was cream puffs their lunch.

11. What is the effect of your butterfly's curly hair at school?

Jerks at school take pleasure in de-curling his hair. Jerks.

12. Have you ever brought a wall and cried?

Yes, because I realised I needed three more walls to complete my room, and I only had enough pennies saved up for one wall.

13. Hey person, Favourite time of the year for socks?

Every time.

14. Have you ever drank the next person you'll be holding hands with, whilst sleeping with the TV on? Will it mean anything?

Sleep drinking of someone's blood? A comatose drakula? I know what that'll mean, it means you're a sick evil bastard. Rot in hell.

15. Are you afraid of old good vision?

Yes, I'd look cool and all aged if my eye site when shit up the wall, but perfect vision when old? It wouldn't be natural.

16. Can you do your hula hoops gum job for 24 hours straight?

Not really, after a while it just become infuriating that I'm unable to create a hula hoops gum, working 24 hours straight on it would be inpratical.

17. What was the most recent window brands you brought?

Safestyle UK, you buy one, you get one free (might be a mention to an advert they only show down south).

18. How often are you in a complicated relationship with more than 3 people you hate?

All the time. You know me, unberable complicated relationship are the best, and because three is the magic number, it was even the more horrible.

19. Have you ever tripped and slapped a sarcastic someone?

Only myself.

20. Are you chap too forgiving of stick matters?

I am most certainly not a man who forgives someone if they broke my stick or made fun of my stick collection.

21. Do you own a hot phone gun?

No, I'm sure after the iphone they are the in thing to own, but I don't see point of combining a gun with a phone.

22. Are you closer to your hair or yourself?

Bit of both.

23. Do you chat like someone you know thats red?

I am red, so I chat like myself.

Cut and Shunt MeMe title copyright and trademark of Chezza.

It's the 95th blog post spectacular!

And to celebrate I'm just gonna do this pesky MeMe what Dan and Chezza has done.

1. Where is the last place you held hands?
Held hands? Does this include myself? I hope so, I love holding my hands, because they always grip back. If that does include what I has just said then I would say in Crawley.

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
Well friends have said I should go to Iraq and I'd be shot because they'd think I was Prince Harry. They'd want me there as a Harry Ginger Decoy or summat. So probably would not survive if there telling the truth, I think one of the people who said that is Navy bound in his future life beyond the university, so he should know.

3. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I dare say I've fallen asleep once or twice when the TV has been on, I even dare say I fell asleep during an episode of Heroes I was watching. Sorry, I do loves the show. Really.

4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
No, though I have pissed straight into the carton, I don't mind revealing that.

5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
Spelling? But I still don't know how to spell through or threw. Gah!

6. What is your longest fight with one of your friends?
A few days? I mostly cower out in situations where I might have a fight. Are we talking proper fighting though? Bitch fighting? Slapping? Fisty Cuffs? I'm confused.

7. Are you a fast typer?
Pretty fast, wanna watch me do one in a video blog. Just kidding, I'm not doing a video blog anytime soon. They're shit, well mine are.

8. Are you afraid of the dark?
Not anymore. Though I was upto 12 when everyone else wanted the lights out in a hostel in Germany, but I didn't. That caused a falling out for a day. Crazy days. That forced me to toughen up. Yeah. I started fights shortly after not being afraid of the dark anymore. Yeah, fights.

9. Do you like someone right now?
I like people, I don't like some people. Swings and Roundabouts. Now I love them.

10. What ended your last relationship?
Failing to start it.

12. Do you knock on wood?
I don't tap my erections, that just hurts.

13. Are you drinking anything right now?
No, apart from my sweat. Lovely sweat.

14. Do you think you’re smart?
I think I'm smarter than I give myself credit for, but too lazy to be any smarter. And too lazy to justify any intelligence around people who are smarter than me.

15. Have you ever eaten a bug?
Can't say that I have, I'm yet to go on I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here when my daytime quiz show falls flat on its arse and I'm out of work. My quiz show would be called Quiz Factor.

16. Do you miss someone right now?
I miss you mate, you're a ruddy good mate. I guess I'm missing all the lovely people I know in Reading, but I shall see them when Term resumes! Whoop! I say resume, I mean starts.

17. What do you want for christmas?
Oh the usual, lots of DVDs.

18. Do you know the muffin man?
Know him? I suck off the muffin man.

19. Do you talk in your sleep?
Not as far as I know.

20. Do you remember your 1st crush?
Yes, and I didn't do anything about it like I don't do anything about crushes now, some things never change.

21. Have you ever flown a kite?
Oh Yeah, once let go of a kite on Worthing beach. Upsetting times. Fortunatly I man caught it. Never did get round to knighting that saint. Do you knight a saint?

22. When was the last time that you went swimming and where?
Fuck knows. I can't swim after three years of lessons. I'm lazy and incompotent.

23. Do you consider yourself successful?
No. I haven't even finished my degree yet or doing anything to suceed with, other than gaining those GCSEs and A Levels.

24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone?
Fifty, I have fifty numbers on my phone, I only know that number because I had to copy over fifty numbers when I got my new phone. Might be fifty-one now.

25. Have you ever asked for a horse?
No. What would I do with a horse? Mount it?

26. Plans for 2MORROW?
Laze around Mofo.

27. What did you do this past weekend?
Watched Run, Fat Boy, Run at the cinema, which is quite good if a bit cliched (Simon Pegg and Dylan Moran make the film) and walked around Wakehurst place which was alright.

28. Miss being at school right now?
Not really, I have university.

29. When’s the last time you told someone you loved them?
The cat today.

30. Do you want to be single?
It's alright, although a partnership would be nice.

32. Who’s your hero?
Steve Coogan.

33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No, but I remembered today that for one or two days I was banned from the library at school, sadly I can't remember why. Might of been eating in the library, I really can't remember.

34. What are you looking forward to?
To my next driving lesson so when I'm asked my parents how it went I can 'grunt' a reply. Ugh.

35. If you could be stranded with one person for 24 hours, who would it be?
Someone lovely. And weird.

37. Have you ever eaten dog food?
Can't say I have, tried cat biscuit though when a friend liked them (back when he was seven or sumamt), I tried them too, they tasted of metal, he must of been mental that friend.

38. Can you handle the truth?
NO. CUSHION ME WITH LIES.

39. Do you like green eggs and ham?
What? Green eggs? Green ham? What is wrong with this planet of ours!

40. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places?
Wallet, keys and phone.

41. Any cool scars?
I've got two dents in my head, one from a radiator, one from a tennis racket.

42. Are you missing in action?
Yes. Find me, please!

44. What’s your deepest secret?
That I want a polo mint.

45. How often do you talk on the phone?
Very little. Phone calls scare me, though I had a call with Reading Borough Council today, good five minutes of hardcore classical music.

46. Do you believe in love?
I suppose, can I have some please?

47. Is there something you want that you can’t have?
Probably, but I'm far, far, far too lazy to have that thing.

48. Four things about the preferred sex that you first notice?
Tits and Arse? Multiplied by two. Will that do as an answer?

49. When was your last time you cried?
When Anakin murdered those Younglings. Cunt.

50. Who did you last hug?
Someone who probably desereved it. Scum.

51. Do you get along with your family?
Yes I do, lovely people.

52. Where is your phone?
On my desk. Wanna call it? I hate phone calls, piss me off, dares ya.

53. What was the last thing you ate?
Curry.

54. Favorite color?
Blue.

55. Last movie you saw?
I just watched Star Wars: Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith. It's a good film, really. Sure flawed, quite flawed, but discussion of flawed films is fun.

56. What song are you listening to?
Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty, it came up randomly on me media player, it's a banging tune.

I'm proof reading at the moment and listening to Bob the Builders hit Can we fix it. It came up randomly.

57. What do you want?
Something to do.

58. Favorite car?
Vauxhall Labrador.

59. What T.V. show are you watchin?
Well today I watched Flight of the Conchords, so deliciously underplayed, I love it. And I've been watching Heroes and Battlestar Galactica.

60. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
The lady at Reading Borough Council, I think I love her. Admitedly our conversation was mostly full of silence and her getting up details, but there was a connection, she had a voice, I had a voice, we both had voices.

That Naff MeMe because I have Naff all imagination

Something Chezza did on her blog of lusting, a Life survey, and seeing as I'm not sure if I have a life or not, I hope, no pray, that is survey will inform me. Do your thang!


LIFE SURVEY
LAST:
1. Friend you saw: I met up with some old school friends at t'pub, people I hadn't seen for over two years. Delightful comapny.
2. Talked to on the phone: Dunno, someone who wanted to talk to my sister, might have been her boyfriend, I just don't know.
3. Texted: I texted my boss to ask if there was any work going on Friday, still fuck all response, bit pissed off really about that, I need something to do in September!
4. IMed: The Chezza lady.

TODAY:
1. Wearing: Jeans, pants, a T Shirt and as of 2:45 PM (ish) socks.
2. Better than yesterday? Not really. Bit dull really, been lazing around. Yesterday I did some proper hardcore shopping, I spent £70. Ouch.

TOMORROW
1. Is: Monday
2. Got plans: Yes, I'm going to the cinema to see Knocked Up which apparently is this like well amazing comedy. I trust the reviews, even if the teaser trailer didn't inspire me that much.
3. Dislikes: about tomorrow? I don't think there will be much to dislike. Unless I spend another £70 in Crawley again, which I doubt I will.

FAVORITE:
1. Number: 1138
2. Colour: The colour of my poos? Purple incase you're wondering
3. Season: Well in most cases season one of a TV show is probably the best, but not always, lets go with law of averages and go with first. Or Second.

CURRENTLY:
1. Missing someone: Trying to think of something witty to say instead, but after stroking my stubble for a few minutes I've failed.
2. Mood: Failure, I couldn't think of anything to pass for witty to answer the preeceding question.
3. Wanting to: Try and answer these questions with some wit instead of Yep, Nope, Fuck you. No I will not rub till ejaculation, you people ask far too much from me.

QUESTIONS / ANSWERS:
Q: First thing you did this morning?
Woke up and went back to sleep?

Q: Last thing you ate and drank?
Sunday Roast with coca-cola.

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
I need something to do with my September.

Q: What's annoying you right now?
That I'll have nothing to do with my September.

Q: Do you support long distance relationships?
If it gives me something to do with my September, then why not?

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
The person that'll amuse me this September?

Q: Do you think that that person is thinking of you too?
I don't know, wake me up when September ends.

Q: Where is the last place you went?
Not left the house today sadly. Oh well. Never mind.

Q: Do you look like your mum or dad?
I think I look a bit like my Dad, but I'm not posting a photo collage because I can't think of a witty excuse to say I'm not posting photos of other peeps on my blog.

Q: Do you smile often?
Yeah. Look at me now, I'm smiling Jez.

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity)?
Creativity

Q: Are you a friendly person?
I am at times, and some other times I just don't try and prefer to come across as an awkward dick.

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
Blue.

Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?
Playing with my new phone. It has a camera in it, what will they think of next. Maybe a means for me to write down in the form of text to message a well meaning benefactor what I might communicate in a phone call, but instead send it to them in text form. Yeah, that.

Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?
about half an hour ago at tea.

Q: What song are you listening to right now?
I was listening to some Orange Anubis music, he's like well good.

Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10:
5. Would be better if I had something to do with my september.

SAD SECTION:
Where there was questions on Crying, so instead I'm just gonna insert this picture.

HAPPY SECTION:
Where there was questions on happiness so instead I'm gonna insert this picture

LOVE SECTION:
Where there were questions on love so I'm going to insert this picture.

RELATIONSHIP SECTION:
Where there was questions on relationships so I'm just going to insert this picture.

HATE SECTION:
Where there was questions on hate so I'm just going to insert his picture.

I once watched an episode of This Morning where Fergie cooked a curry, Zippy was no where to be seen.

If you want to see the MeMe in its complete form, look at Chezza answers to it, I may have slightly man handled it.

MeMe on a Monday, what a novelty

Dan did this Empire magazine based MeMe, I read Empire magazine, every month, why did I not think to do a similar thing sooner, because I'm an incompotent MeMe generator, unless anyone wants me to make one, then I'd raise to the challenge and produce shit. Anyway, here's me answers.

1) What's your idea of "heaven on Earth"?
A World where my younger sister is happy to help when I ask, because I had a cat on lap and had movement restricted, if she'd happily walk from her room to mine to pass my remote to turn on my speakers to me because the remote was at the other end of my room and I couldn't disturb the cat. Instead she stole my remote. Heartbreak. That would be be heaven on earth if I had a sister who would help my lazy arse.

2) Were you a teenage rebel?
Oh yes, I rebelled against the system, parents would rather I went out socialisng but I stay inside, what a rebel.

3) Who is the best James Bond?
Not really bothered about those James Bonds, but the new one Daniel Craig David is pretty good. What I mean by that is he is good, I wouldn't know about the pretty, although he has big ears.

4) Who is the person you most despise?
The person who phoned my mobile this morning asking if I was Graham Cook. I've ranted about this in my facebook status already, but if there is one thing I enjoy more than ranting about miniscule things, that is ranting again and again about trivial matters. 9:45 AM I was phoned if that was Graham Cook, not it fucking wasn't, how dare you interupt my sleeping pattern. I just said no it wasn't, and they said thanks anyway. Thanks anyway? thanks for what? for dissapointing your serach for Graham Cook. How very dare they.

Another person would say I should have been out of bed by 9:45 AM anyway, well probably, but yeah but no but yeah but this whole thing happened where I worked a tweleve hour and half shift at work, but yeah I say work, most of the time I was say there doing shit all, you slag.

Graham Cook? What an outrage. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, I now hate Graham Cook. As well as the person who phoned, if they weren't a lady I might think they are Graham Cook. Graham Cook does things out of spite.

5) Have you ever had a supernatual experience?
Not yet, unless Graham Cook is going to haunt my dreams tonight, I have a feeling he might, I have said I hate him.Here is an etching of a Graham Cook, not mine probably, he's probably dead this Graham Cook, so that would mean a supernatural experience may very well happen from this Graham Cook.

6) What do you want to have written on your tombstone?
Not Graham Cook.

7) What was the last film you walked out of?
I've not actually walked out of a film, only 2 films that I can remember I have walked out to go for a wizz, those films being Pearl Harbour and my second viewing of the Simpsons movie. I'd rather hold on for dear life than lose out on my penny paid for cineam trip. I bet Graham Cook walks out of all the film he sees, because he sets the bar far too high for any film he sees, apart from Transformers the movie, he enjoyed the subtext.

8) Do you do your own shopping?
Yes. How many men who are confused for Graham Cook can say that. Now I begin to think more and more about Graham Cook I might phone back the lady and ask if Graham Cook is there. That'll teach them. Mwa-Ha-Ha-Ha.

9) How much is a pint of milk?
Milk. I, like many Graham Cooks, don't by milk, I let others buy me milk for my own evil cereal purposes.

10) Do you use public transport?
Boy do I. I'm still currently going through my second I hate driving lessons period in my life so shall still rely on public transport.

11) Have you ever stolen from a hotel?
No, but I know someone who has his first name begins with a G, and his surname begins with a C. It's Graham Cook.

12) How do you behave when you are drunk?
Good by auquardness. Wahey! Vocal, and I make a tit of myself and say stupid things. The usual drunken stuff.

13) What's the worst film you've seen?
Pearl Harbour. I watched a few minutes of it a few weeks ago, reminded me what an insulting film it is. Don't let me detract from my Graham Cook rant by letting me rant about Pearl Harbour. The Team America soundtrack said it best when they said 'Pearl Harbor [sic] sucks'.

14) How far is too far?
Menitoning Graham Cook in every single answer to these questions, thats going too far.

15) Who was your favourite cartoon character as a kid?
Sadly my future Graham Cook cartoon series wasn't around when I was a kid, so it would be normal stuff like the ten o'clock news or summat.

16) If your life depended on it, would you eat human flesh?
I dunno, ask me when I'm living on the streets because Graham Cook has stolen every penny I have. He's worse than Stalin.

17) Can you swear in a foreign language?
Ja. I can say shit in German.

Tee Hee.

18) Have you lied during this?
Yes, I don't despise Graham Cook, he's probably a nice lad, I just was mildly irritated by being woken up this morning by a phone call, my fault for not turning off my mobile, I'm really moaning about nothing.

Now to end on a happy no mention of Graham Cook note, here's me and Mr.Blobby, goodbye.And they call it Blobby love, well I guess they'll never know.

Quit blogging ginger shit and do a MeMe

Alllriiiggghhhht. Here goes. Stolen from Dan. It's Mittwoch MeMe, everyone's favourite time of the week. Or time of the month. Periods.

My favourite chocolate bar is... Mars or Twix, or KitKat, or Club (if you like alot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club) or Breakaway. Any of those. Oh and those Maltessars that come in Celebrations, they're great. But are they a bar?

If I could I wish I could... bring back hanging for treason? I don't know really what I'd wish for. Maybe for someone to take away all the technology in my room so I'd be forced to leave the house, but that wouldn't really be a wish, more a blessing in disguise (more than meets the eye).

My ideal night out would be... being back at uni and doing the Quiz and Karaoke with some good friends. Very rarely the karaoke with the good friends, mostly the karaoke with myself on the stage lighting it up.

If I was a character in Hollyoaks, the producers would probably make me be... have a girlfriend, as if I'm capeable of doing that. You are silly Hollyoaks producers. That or they'd make me black.

My favourite Krispy Kreme is... not the one I had once when I ate it from one hand and the jam ended up oozing down the opposite sleeve. The one I had at Gatwick was nice when I got a nice handfull of change.

The place I want to visit most is... the marketing hot bods behind when is a good deal on car insurance not a good deal on car insurance? and riff and point out really obvious stuff like when you're insuring a wagon.

If I really love you, I will... proclaim my love for all the blogosphere to hear.

My ideal meal would be... a burger with chips, because I lack imagination and there's something nice about a bit of beef (or chicken) sandwhiched in a bun with some optional extras.

I fantasise about... a big tree who would knock on my window and talk to me about Wimbledon, he'd tell me about his proposed move to Croydon and I'd talk him out of it. For a start the Forbidden Planet from my recollection of a few years back is a bit of a mess unless they've done it up. I'd recommend to the tree to visit Croydon on the off chance the Forbidden Planet in Croydon is less of a tip.

I think that if I had a mutant power, I would probably end up with... the ability to be less socially inept in conversations. Or less fearful and puzzled by strangers who start having conversations with me because I'm sat down on a county park bench on my own. Delightful Chap. I think he wanted to walk with me.

My favourite cocktail is... I dunno, I had a couple of pitchers of cocktail at Wetherspoons this one time, it didn't make me that pissed, I don't know why.

If I dislike someone, I will... maintain pleasentries, because pleasentries are more bearable than conflictries.

I prefer to drink... Urine to trying tea or coffee.

I was happiest in "social" terms at... the age when I wasn't aware of social terms, when I was young and happy hanging around outside in my close.

I am impressed most by... the strange ability me and my friend have of just having baffling strange MSN conversations that steer to somewhere odd, we are currently talking about stalin talking to nazis in an irish accent and him telling them they cant win and me cheering while he rubs my shoulders. How does one even begin to explain how this conversation started?

I cannot eat... food that is Chinese or Thai, because that would mean I'd have to make the effort to try it and it just don't appeal to me.

I worry most about... my own inadequacies when I really should not give a toss and go with the flow.

I have stayed with my job for more than 5 years because... I have? my current job is only a month in, and will be a month till I'm out, it's just some temp filler work.

The customer I dislike the most is... Oh let's not go there shall we?

I will cry at... I dunno, I'd like to say emotinal telly, but I couldn't shed a tear when Billy died in Battlestar Galatica. Why Billy? Whhhhhhy!I maybe a bit behind with this teevee thing show. Have I spoilt the death of a minor character? I hope not.

If I had £50 to blow, I would... blow it on DVDs, toys and other wank I don't really need. I wouldn't blow it on a wank, they're free.

To get out of doing PE at school, I have... pretended I'd forgotten my kit when in actual fact I was far to organise to do that, and I'd have it in my bag, but I'd tell them I didn't. It worked most of the time. Although I got a lousy school report for P.E. Shame.

My biggest regret is... not making the effort.

I would like to... tell you about my new title as fascist dictatorship shoulder festish bitch.

I would rather be friends with someone who is... a bit unsure of themselves rather than an arogant cock.

The most disgusting toilet I have ever been to is... this one.I found it on facebook, it is an actual photo of one of the digusting toilets I have ever seen. Why this is on facebook? I don't know.

If someone tells me something (that isn't illegal or a health risk) in confidence, I will... want to tell someone.

I am upset about someone/something, I will... keep it trapped indoors.

This MeMe looked alot longer than I thought.

To make amends for the rapidly declining quality of my blog...

...I'll do a MeMe. They're a classic. And it's Monday as well, and I love my sheepish instincts, so here's the one what Dan made up. Because he has godly influence and all.

What have you done for me lately?
And whom may I ask is speaking to me? Is it my subconscious, well let's go with that. Well not really alot, I worked on Sunday, that was earning something for you, happy? I've showered, shitted and shaved when necessary, is that good enough? I've eaten. I should be pleasing you subconscious, admitedly I've not done anything anything exciting lately subconscious, but that might happen soon.

What time is love?
Whats love, whats love gotta to do with it? Can I answer a question with another question.

I'm a bit unexperienced with the old love lark, so I can't protest as to tell you which time it is, is it on GMT? BST? Or some mystical Z time I learnt about the other week. Z time rocks!

Do you know the way to san jose?
I looked on Google maps, I found there was a place called the winchester mystery house, and now I'm intersted as to what a mystery house, should I not ask? It's a mystery after all.

Is this desire?
A desire to find out what the winchester mystery house is? Maybe, although I'd prefer to keep it a mystery, I'm sure it's awfully exciting. But if I knew, I might just be dissapointed, or have a strong desire to actually go to San Jose, then I would need to know the way. What a dilema!

Do you remember the first time?
First time I blogged? Oh yeah I didn't know what I was doing, and still don't.

Would I lie to you?
Would my subconscious lie to me? No, it would me be lieing to my subconscious.

Is there life on mars?
I dunno, does my subconscious want to vist mars, is this an example of me lieing to myself not wanting to know if there is infact life on mars. Or are we talking about bacteria on a mars bar? Cos there will be germs on them, particularly if say you've dropped one down your pants.

When will I be famous?
Damm you subconscious, you don't want to be famous, you want to be infamous.

Where is my mind?
Up the apple and stairs.

What's going on?
Well today I went out for a family meal, except the car broke down about the outskirts of the village, we had to call the RAC, fortunatly we stopped at a pub, I played the deal or no deal quiz machine, anyway about two hours later we were all sorted and had our family meal, finished at five, screwed up my eating patterns for the evening, I've had a fruit corner. So that is, what's going on. Comprende?

Do ya think I'm sexy?
Right Said Fred went to my school, they met at my secondary school, not whilst I was there obviously, I'd be the third member of right said fred if they were at my school, because they'd obviously want me. Because whilst I don't think I'm sexy, I could fake the arogance to think I was sexy.

What difference does it make?
Does what make? Me being in Right Said Fred, well for one thing, we'd certainly not insist on releasing the single every two years, and we'd turn down that Daz ad, and try and appear in Ricky Gervais hit sitcom Extras, because whilst initially it was amusing when celebrities played themselves in the show, it became really tiresome, and with a Right Said Fred cameo we'd ensure the show became even more tired. What I mean to say is that I'm looking forward to the christmas special of extras.

Will you still love me tomorrow?
I dunno, you're pandering for attention with a blog title like that today. Bit pathetic isn'it?

What's my name again?
Optimus Prime.

Why do fools fall in love?
I don't know, because I'm a fool, I want to fall in love, but then who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him.

What's the frequency Kenneth?
Kiss 100 I believe is a big fan of Kenneth Branaghs Shakespeare adaptations.

Can I kick it?
I don't know, subconsciously I might be capeable of kicking a football, but the neurosis gets in the way. Actually I might be good at sports if I was pure subconscious.

Where did our love go?
Up the apples and pears.

What have I done to deserve this?
I don't know, you put the address into your browser, you've unleashed this sprawling tripe responses to some open ended questions.

So why so sad?
Because I'm bored.

Who let the dogs out?
It was them Baha Men. Happiest day of my life was when I saw them live. What a treat.

Mittwoch MeMe Time

Aliteration is fun, sadly I'm doing this MeMe from the NewPlanet on wednesday, but German helps me to aliterate, so here is my Mittwoch MeMe.

In general, how are you feeling on this Mittwoch?
I'm alright thanks for asking, wasn't too bad a day, watched This Morning in frustration that the stand I co-designed for the Royal Society didn't appear (apparently they recorded an interview there). Tried a bit of a job search, went to a friend's house. Now just chilling. I'm feeling okay. Thank You. How are you?

First person you spoke to today?
The man on the phone (unless you include the cat) who told me because I was living in a less scummy part of Reading next year, I saved fifthteen pounds on my insurance. Wahey!

First song you listened to today?
Some song they performed on This Morning. This scottish lady who had the charming story of buying a CD with a tenner her granny gave her, and how it inspired her to be a singer. She was quite good. Don't ask for any further details, I can't remember. I think I fancied her. She certainy didn't hurt my retinas.

What clothes are you wearing today? - Full details please!
Full? Oh dear oh dear. Well I'm wearing some Wanted Beer socks, some jeans that fit a bit tight, taut buttocks, green T-Shirt of some description, and some sperm killing Y Fronts, Blue. Excited? I bet you are. Aroused? Don't tell me.

What kind of 'hair day' are you having?
The type of hair day where I've showered and washed my golden locks in the morning, one of those.

What is the weather like today?
Bit Meh, though the sun has been out.

Highlight of today so far?
I dunno, watching 300? Was quite good, tits and violence, what a film, just not quite entirely sure there was much of a story.

Lowlight of today so far?
Watching This Morning.

Highlight of the past weekend?
I dunno, pretty uneventful weekend really, catch me at a time when my life is a bit more eventful would you, though the house party I went at the weekend was alright, nice to see some friends again and pretend that term hasn't ended. It has. Bugger.

Lowlight of the past weekend?
Packing to go home? Live Earth? What was the point of that. Most of the stars didn't have much of a clue, Akon said at one point "Support Global Warming" Moron. Oh I could rant and rant about Live Earth, but what's the point? No one watched it! Although I did.

Amount of money spent over the past weekend with details of expenditure!
If you really want to know, here goes:
£2.75 for 4 cans of strongbow
£2.00 Chippy!
£3.00 Chippy!
£0.89 Cherry Coke!

The fact I remember that means I could potentially budget, but I'm too lazy and in denial.

A photo taken this weekend!
Ummm... Probably the ones that are on my blog already. Not seen any houseparty photos of me just yet, will wait for those to appear on facebook as I am a camera whore.

What are you most looking forward to this week?
My week is shaping up to being quite uneventful, so I don't really no.

Thing you are least looking forward to this week?
Looking for some summer work.

I'm wet

Hello. Rain. Water. Soaked Jeans, fringe wet, bit cold, so let's do a MeMe! Dan did it. It looked quick, then afterwards I'll chuck up the video blog I did yesterday, but chickened out of putting up on my blog, but that Cheryl said I should put it up, blame her, praise me. Anyway, onto the MeMe.

Favourite joke?
I'm useless at remembering jokes, mainly because I don't really like jokes, too conventional comedy wise. Although my favourite and only joke I remember hearing recently is What happens when you come across a lion? Wipe it off. I'm sure I've blogged that hilarious joke already. Oh well.

Team-mate?
I'm on a team? I don't quite understand. I most certainly don't have a breeding partner.

Opponent?
Rain. Fecking rain.

Other sport?
Sport? I am a nerd, I don't do sport.

Shop?
FOPP! Fopp! It's just a reassuringly nice sounding noise. Fopp?

TV/Radio Show?
I only listen to one radio show at the moment, so that one is easy, that mitchell and webb sound, as for favourite TV show, obviously the IT Crowd (I kid, I watched it last night, and just thought it was a terrible waste of Christopher Morris' talents), Peep Show, I'll go with that.

Mode of Transport?
I like foot when it's not raining, but I don't like paying for transport. I'm a cheapskate.

Item of Clothing?
Pants. Keeps me Jaffas in their place.

Night out?
The Pub Quiz slash Karaoke at the student Union on Thursday. Good little night out that is.

Sporting Memory?
Me crying because I didn't want to do cross country in the rain? What was the fecking point of cross country. Although it could be a nice little stroll at times, walking and having a chat.

Gadget?
My external hard drive, storer of all my illegal downloads.

Place in London?
Well I always go to Forbidden Planet when I'm in London. The Drill Hall is fun. Paddingtion is fun because I enjoy saying 'Padders' The Royal Society sumemr science show next week is a fun plug because it's got some desiging from me.

Now the video blog.
Sorry, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Blame Dan

for the answers to the questions I stole from Dan which you may be about to read.

What I was doing ten years ago… ?
I don't know, twas year 5 at school, so I would have been schooled wouldn't I of blud? That year I moved a few roads, to a close that didn't have a hangout which consisted of cement being poured down a hill. It should be a local beauty point. I shall have to take a photo of it to share with you lucky lucky people at some point. Alos that year my obsession began with them Star Wars films, curse you George Lucas and your cash cow bastardisation special editions.


What I was doing 5 years ago… ?
2002? Year 10 at school? Being schooled blud. Or maybe hanging out infront of the bullen block. Named after Mr. Bullen, who was well wicked Blud? I think I probably had year 10 exams at this point, which were highly enlightening, I was good at some subjects and fucked up others!

1 year ago… ?
Lazing around in the halls of residence, finished my first year university exams. I think I went out studenting it large a few times this time last year. Not very exciting really. I'm not selling you the excitement of my life really.

Yesterday… ?
Uni disseration semminars workshop magic events. Then a boat party for some halls of residence I'm oddly attached too. Fecking expensive drinks. Shame the boat didn't stop aboard a tescos (which you can, next time you're on the thames, thames fans! Oh I love the thames).

5 Snacks I enjoy…
Muffins, Mars bars, Cheesey chips, Toast, Cocaine.

5 Songs I know all the words too…
Oh quite a few it would emerge, and only the crappest songs such as Scooch's We're flyign the flag, Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend, Natasha Bedingfield's These Words, although I know all the lyrics to Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger (Well it is the Peep Show theme) and some other song... I dunno, R2-D2 we wish you a merry christmas.

5 Things I would do with $100 million…
Pay back my student loan, fund a hollywood version of Ginger Pubes my novella, Go somewhere exciting on a aeroplane, create my own dance moves and spend the money funding it to export it around the world, bring back Noel's House Party.

5 Locations I would love to run away to…
Londinium, Brightinium, Bognorinium Regiusium, Formerium Yuogoslavianium Republicium ofium Macedoniaium, Crinkleyium Bottium,

5 Bad habits I have…
Lazyness, which comes in many forms which I think fills the five bad habits quota set.

5 things I like doing…
Random Conversationing with friends, Comedy watching and laughing, being geeky, Pub Quizing, buying the world a coke,

5 things I would never wear…
Well you've got to try these things once haven't you? Although my friend didn't suggest that I would dress as a lady, she'd dress as a chap for the boat party last night, but she didn't think I would do it. Probably not. I'd need to be drunk and less self conscious first.

5 TV shows that I like…
Peep Show, Spaced, I'm Alan Partridge, Heroes, Doctor Who.

5 Biggest joys of the moment…
Oh can't be aprehensions? I'm no good at picking joys.

Joys at seeing drunken phtotos of last night when loaded up to the book of faces, the joy of having some lunch and filling my stomach, the joy of my own amusement at my uselessness on the phone and how I want to bite my tongue off to stop me talking crap, the joy of wanting to watch Hot Fuzz on the DVD again, the joy of skipping, no man should deprive himself of a good skip now and then.

5 Favourite toys…
My star wars potato heads are pretty hawt, love my cyberman action figure, love my yoda cuddly toy, love my emperor pez dispensor, love my kenneth kenobi collection on top of my now deceased TV.

5 next victims…
I'm not telling you who I'm going to kill, because then you'd know!

Three is the related number to this particular blog post and possibly magic

Dan tagged me, well I think he did, I think he referes to me as one of his comedy children, even though I'm like almost mature. Bollocks. Talking of bollocks, here's the MeMe.

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. Phone calls.
2. Social interaction and making conversation with people I don't know that well.
3. My lazyness and how it will fuck up my life.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. Them bloggers I read make me laugh
2. My friend's make me laugh
3. My comedy likes make me laugh

Three Things I Love:
1. Comedy
2. Company
3. Cheesey Music.

Three Things I Hate:
1. Arogance
2. People obsessed with themselves.
3. People who can't/won't do small talk. Come on! I struggle with conversation, help me out and end this auquard silence. Is that too much to ask?

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. Dan briefly mentioned the new 2012 London Olympics logo and not understanding it, I'm gonna take this blog a moment to crowbar in my alternative version of it.That's what London means to me!
2. The appeal of Graham Norton or Will and Grace. I live with housemates who love these respective shows, I can't understand them, they're just tired cliches. The shows, not the housemates.
3. Lady stuff. I got asked by some lady friends the other day if they could 'ghd' my hair. It apparently straightens hair, but my hair is already natuarlly straight!

Three Things On My Desk:
1. A lot of free promtional tat that I've stolen from various sources recently.
2. DVDs!
3. My bank statement, should probably file that away.

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Playing around on facebook with all their new applications stuff. Making facebook more fun and more like MySpace, without being horrible clunky shit like MySpace.
2. Wondering why I'm really struggling filling in this MeMe, when at times I've really just found it piss easy to think of what to write. I think I've lost my MeMe-edge. I started doing the one Jemima did, and then killed myself out of bordem of filling it in.
3. I'm wondering how I resurrected myself from the killing of oneself I did at point number two.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Get a spouse?
2. Grow a large fuck off beard.
3. Watch all the star wars films back to back in one day.

Three Things I Can Do:
1. Design, it would seem I can design and am fitting of my degree. I don't adam and eve it.
2. Be Busy and also be lazy!
3. Get by on nervous energy.

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. Be popular
2. 'Pull'
3. Be Normal.

Three things you should listen to:
1. Scooch's 'We're flying the Flag'
2. Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend'
3. Natasha Bedingfield's 'I wanna have your babies'

That's my top 3 favourite cheesey crappy recet songs playlist. Enjoy! Or Endure.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. Kiss 100, Ugh!
2. The BBC Local radio stations, going by southern counties radio, they're just dull.
3. You shouldn't listen in on people's conversations on the train, no matter how much your mind wanders. It's just stalkerish.

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. Confidence
2. Assertiveness
3. To know what love is, I want you to show me.

Three Favorite Foods:
1. Chips with salt.
2. Cheesey Chips.
3. Chips with Ketchup.

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. Thunderbirds.
2. Postman Pat
3. Noel's House Party.

Three Things I Regret:
1. Making no attempt to keep/make friends with people from School.
2. Doing A Level Maths. I just wasn't good at it!
3. Faking my outgoingness a bit too much at times.