To make amends for the rapidly declining quality of my blog...

...I'll do a MeMe. They're a classic. And it's Monday as well, and I love my sheepish instincts, so here's the one what Dan made up. Because he has godly influence and all.

What have you done for me lately?
And whom may I ask is speaking to me? Is it my subconscious, well let's go with that. Well not really alot, I worked on Sunday, that was earning something for you, happy? I've showered, shitted and shaved when necessary, is that good enough? I've eaten. I should be pleasing you subconscious, admitedly I've not done anything anything exciting lately subconscious, but that might happen soon.

What time is love?
Whats love, whats love gotta to do with it? Can I answer a question with another question.

I'm a bit unexperienced with the old love lark, so I can't protest as to tell you which time it is, is it on GMT? BST? Or some mystical Z time I learnt about the other week. Z time rocks!

Do you know the way to san jose?
I looked on Google maps, I found there was a place called the winchester mystery house, and now I'm intersted as to what a mystery house, should I not ask? It's a mystery after all.

Is this desire?
A desire to find out what the winchester mystery house is? Maybe, although I'd prefer to keep it a mystery, I'm sure it's awfully exciting. But if I knew, I might just be dissapointed, or have a strong desire to actually go to San Jose, then I would need to know the way. What a dilema!

Do you remember the first time?
First time I blogged? Oh yeah I didn't know what I was doing, and still don't.

Would I lie to you?
Would my subconscious lie to me? No, it would me be lieing to my subconscious.

Is there life on mars?
I dunno, does my subconscious want to vist mars, is this an example of me lieing to myself not wanting to know if there is infact life on mars. Or are we talking about bacteria on a mars bar? Cos there will be germs on them, particularly if say you've dropped one down your pants.

When will I be famous?
Damm you subconscious, you don't want to be famous, you want to be infamous.

Where is my mind?
Up the apple and stairs.

What's going on?
Well today I went out for a family meal, except the car broke down about the outskirts of the village, we had to call the RAC, fortunatly we stopped at a pub, I played the deal or no deal quiz machine, anyway about two hours later we were all sorted and had our family meal, finished at five, screwed up my eating patterns for the evening, I've had a fruit corner. So that is, what's going on. Comprende?

Do ya think I'm sexy?
Right Said Fred went to my school, they met at my secondary school, not whilst I was there obviously, I'd be the third member of right said fred if they were at my school, because they'd obviously want me. Because whilst I don't think I'm sexy, I could fake the arogance to think I was sexy.

What difference does it make?
Does what make? Me being in Right Said Fred, well for one thing, we'd certainly not insist on releasing the single every two years, and we'd turn down that Daz ad, and try and appear in Ricky Gervais hit sitcom Extras, because whilst initially it was amusing when celebrities played themselves in the show, it became really tiresome, and with a Right Said Fred cameo we'd ensure the show became even more tired. What I mean to say is that I'm looking forward to the christmas special of extras.

Will you still love me tomorrow?
I dunno, you're pandering for attention with a blog title like that today. Bit pathetic isn'it?

What's my name again?
Optimus Prime.

Why do fools fall in love?
I don't know, because I'm a fool, I want to fall in love, but then who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him.

What's the frequency Kenneth?
Kiss 100 I believe is a big fan of Kenneth Branaghs Shakespeare adaptations.

Can I kick it?
I don't know, subconsciously I might be capeable of kicking a football, but the neurosis gets in the way. Actually I might be good at sports if I was pure subconscious.

Where did our love go?
Up the apples and pears.

What have I done to deserve this?
I don't know, you put the address into your browser, you've unleashed this sprawling tripe responses to some open ended questions.

So why so sad?
Because I'm bored.

Who let the dogs out?
It was them Baha Men. Happiest day of my life was when I saw them live. What a treat.

Transformers!

Before I start, I should warn that I may got slightly spoilerish, although saying that the story of the film isn't that important, not the end of the world if that's ruined.

Anyway onto my attempt at a review, I hate Michael Bay films, Pearl Harbour, Insulting, Armageddon, Insulting, Bad Boys 2, Insulting, The Rock, well okay that one is okay and I suppose so was the Island, for the first 45 minutes at least. So onto Transformers directed by Michael Bay, I liked it. It was a decent comedy film for the first two thirds of it, some brilliant slapstick in a scene around the lead's house, a masturbation gag (there needs to be more wanking gags in hollywood films, I demand it, if the Bourne Ultimatum doesn't have an ownerism related gag, consdier me dissapointed) although I felt sorry for the parent behind me when his young son asking "whats masturbation?", generally a pretty funny film for 2/3rd of it, well it had to be for such a ridiculous premise. It'll probably turn out to be funnier than the Simpsons movie which I'm scared of seeing because I really really really don't want it to be shite like recent seasons of the show have been.

Back to them robots in disguise, Shia LaBeouf as lead, pretty good actor, nails the part, I look forward to seeing him in the new Indiana Jones film, Megan Fox the female lead? cor look at that cleavage. The last third of the film was completely crash, bang, wallop what a hollywood film. It got too silly in the end. And ending the film with the two leads kissing ontop of a transformer in his lovely car form? Was this a transformer threesome? Then to show the other transformers watching? Was the film going to end with a transformer orgy? The questions! "Dad what's an orgy?" I want an X Rated version.

Transformers excited me enough for me to buy my own little toy from Woolies before hand. Look it's a scene from a potential new movie from Hasbro, Brokeback Plastic.I made a Brokeback Mountain gag, I am so topical at times. Well I attempt at gags.

Timberland hates you

See the man above in the photo, he hates you because you don't know who Charles Booth is. Who you may ask? Exactly, this is why Timberland the man in the photo is perfectly valid to hate you. Charles Booth devised, organised, and funded one of the most comprehensive and scientific social surveys of London life that had then been undertaken. Timerland appreciates this, do you? Well Timberland hopes you appreciate it by paying homage to Charles Booth's Inquiry into the life and labour of the people in London in his video to the hit song 'Give it to me' featuring himself Timberland, a man who has a surname similar to his Justin Timberlake and someone called Nelly Furtado. She's Pretty.

Quick history lesson, Booth's inquiry consisted of a map of London where Charles Booth and his homeboys would go around London producing a map where each street is coloured to indicate the income and social class of its inhabitants. There was seven classifications in all, sadly Timberland only has three people to use in his video for 'Give it to me', but he makes a wonderful attempt to homage the work of Charles Booth in his music video. Sure we could look at the work of S Club 7 with their similar Booth tribute, but we're focusing on Timberland for the time being.Timberland is playing 3 classifications of people in this video, shown through different facial expressions, the 3 groups are Lowest class. Vicious, semi-criminal, Very poor, casual. Chronic want and Poor. 18s. to 21s. a week for a moderate family. In the photo at the top of the blog he is playing the Lowest class, just look at that expression, he's a criminal! in this photo he is playing Very poor, grinning and bearing it. Give the man an oscar. The locale picked also emphasises this poverty, a grotty shitty caravan. Sure caravans weren't around in 1886, but Timberland is giving history a spin that the younger generation can appreciate. Timberland is also dressing as a right old scruff, and the camera man has shot some god awful footage of Timberland in the caravan just to emphasise those differences in income and social class.Here's Justin Timberlake playing two different types of classification, Fairly comfortable. Good ordinary earnings as illustrated in the above photo with him nicely dressed and some competantly shot footage of a concert and Mixed. Some comfortable others poor shown in the below photo.Justin shows Mixed, some comfortable and other poor well singing in Timberland's Povery caravan! Afterall, whilst some were comfortable, let's not forget others were poor as well.Here is Nelly Furtado, playing the classifications Middle class. Well-to-do. and Upper-middle and Upper classes. Wealthy. She's dressed well, shot in a nice pretty filmic stylee, I don't know what you'd call it, I'm a pop historian, not a film historian, she's all on her own, she doesn't care for the poor as shown below.Nelly is covering her eyes of the povery around her, what a bitch. Care! Would it hurt? Shortly after Booth's inquiry, it was called upon the British Government to do something for the poor, they couldn't cover their eyes for long!

So there you go, I hope Timberland is proud of me, showing that I care about the work of Charles Booth and hopefully you do too as well. Show my homeboy Charles Booth some love by visiting his fan site. Go on, tell them Timberland sent you.

Baby Names

Wonderful news, Jordan and Peter Andre have named their third sprog, Princess Tiaamii. Tiaamii I hear you ask, well Peter of Peter Andre fame explains this nonsense word:

Andre came up with the middle name by combining his mother's name, Thea, with that of Jordan's mother, Amy.

"We've put an accent over the first A to make it more exotic and two Is at the end just to make it look a bit different,"

I'm going to use the Andre Formula for my baby's name, now I was thinking of calling my child after two of my favourite swear words, but my child can't have two names, so using the formula my son or daughter (thankfully it doesn't seem gender specific) is going to be called Shïtwankk.

Unless anyone is going to tell me that it's clearly a girls name.

It's just as well I amuse myself

Whilst getting changed today out of work clothes I sang myself a little song, based on the frosties ad where some annoying shit sings "they're going taste great" I sang "I'm gonna get changed". This amused me far too much than it should have done. If you don't know of the frosties advert I talk of (don't pretend silly billys!) then this youtube clip might help.