Last few days...

...I got Anthony Cotton of homosexuality fame's autograph, felt a 9 in the evening itch to skip the street of Reading at night (but coming to my senses and deciding I don't want to get beaten up), got an email from a senior professor of Computational sciences entitled Fw: Urgent sexy pictures! and voted for Same Difference on X Factor (making it the first time I've ever felt like phoning in for that lovely show). I also got a strong sense of remorse after finding out my favourite quiz machine with the Pepsi Chart game presented by Neil Fox is broken due to a broken screen, making me deeply regretful for slapping Neil Foxy everytime he appeared on the machine welcoming us to the game. FORGIVE ME NEIL FOX. Like oh my days! I hope the triviality of my days has been of vague interest.

Oh and I changed the banner on this here blog, if that's what you're into. That's a queue for a song!

Student D.I.Y.

I am a student on a bitching coursework heavy based degree, and after a day of heavy coursework bitching I decided to relax and do as many of my forefathers have done, and do the do it yourself. I decided I needed to fix my chest of drawers drawer as the handle snapped off and the general drawer was out of shape. Never fear super glue brought for Warhammer purposes (not mine I must stress) did the job for the fixing the handle, even if I decided also to give my pinky a gluey glow. Alas I had no hammers to put the drawer back into shape, but I had text books read at 6:30 AM for a presentation the same day! Swish!

Next was to fix my bedroom door handle, which as you can see I fixed with an elegant solution.Masking tape with swear words on. Well there was no screwdriver to be found sadly in the house.

Now who wants me to come round their house and practise my student D.I.Y. ways on your house? My rates are cheap, I am a student.

Today

No one wants to read me moan about the amounts of coursework I have at the moment, that's boring, what you do want to read about is my tesco shop today. Well... woe be the tesco, but the tills were working at 50% of their usual speed today (I don't know why, I was more interested in maintaining lad conventions of discussing football with strangers, go the goals!), in the tedium of waiting to be served I had a read of the tesco customer magazine (ooo an interview with Ricky Gervais, me luvs Andy Milman, R U HAVIN A LAFF?) and also featured was Vernon Kay and Tess Daly modelling some lovely tescos clothes. I decided it was amusing to award my friend multiple pictures of Vernon Kay looking modelly/constipated from multiple copies of the tesco magazine. When sadly as I wasn't getting bored of it, but he was, it was then I decided to award other tesco shoppers pictures of Vernon Kay. I slipped in pictures of Mr. Kay in their shopping trolleys slyly to brighten their day. So if any tesco shoppers are reading and found a picture of Vernon Kay in your trolley, your welcome, you're most welcome.

Extracts from my new book...

Maybe available in time for christmas, although I'll just post it on here. Here's a transcript up until I reached secondary school.

Year -1 Kick! Kick! But did I want to come out? Did I fuck!
Year 0 I was born, and woz a screaming pain of a former fetus (waaaaaa!)
Year 1 I aged a year and it was fucking awesome, I now had an age, fuck yeah!
Year 2 Ageing got a bit tedious, been there, done that, but was yet to get the T Shirt
Year 3 I got the T Shirt, well I got a badge that I put on my T Shirt (Almost reached goal).
Year 4 I got a T Shirt with a racing car with a 4 on it, on my fourth birthday, almost coincidence probably.
Year 5 I started school which was cool cos I learnt writing, even though I did that since being a fetus.
Year 6 School was fine and dandy because I could learn adding. 3 + 5 = 8, my favourite.
Year 7 We learnt how to bake bread, use yeast, what ever that is. It don't come from the east.
Year 8 I watched University Challenge, didn't understand it, too many words.
Year 9 I got some shoes, at last I wouldn't have to walk around on just bare feet. I don't enjoy scrubbing my feet.
Year 10 I thought about inventing something cool, but sadly I was unable to think of anything cool.
Year 11 I went to bigger boys school (By bigger, I don't mean erections).

More next week. If I can bothered, and if anyone is interested.

Ruddy Coursework

Bloody coursework on my pretty much mostly coursework degree is just getting me down, and forunatly my MacBook's built in camera is there to capture this feeling of Meh. It's also there to capture my new muscle.Look at that muscle (singular).