Extracts from my new book...

Maybe available in time for christmas, although I'll just post it on here. Here's a transcript up until I reached secondary school.

Year -1 Kick! Kick! But did I want to come out? Did I fuck!
Year 0 I was born, and woz a screaming pain of a former fetus (waaaaaa!)
Year 1 I aged a year and it was fucking awesome, I now had an age, fuck yeah!
Year 2 Ageing got a bit tedious, been there, done that, but was yet to get the T Shirt
Year 3 I got the T Shirt, well I got a badge that I put on my T Shirt (Almost reached goal).
Year 4 I got a T Shirt with a racing car with a 4 on it, on my fourth birthday, almost coincidence probably.
Year 5 I started school which was cool cos I learnt writing, even though I did that since being a fetus.
Year 6 School was fine and dandy because I could learn adding. 3 + 5 = 8, my favourite.
Year 7 We learnt how to bake bread, use yeast, what ever that is. It don't come from the east.
Year 8 I watched University Challenge, didn't understand it, too many words.
Year 9 I got some shoes, at last I wouldn't have to walk around on just bare feet. I don't enjoy scrubbing my feet.
Year 10 I thought about inventing something cool, but sadly I was unable to think of anything cool.
Year 11 I went to bigger boys school (By bigger, I don't mean erections).

More next week. If I can bothered, and if anyone is interested.