...and you're walking around not knowing what to buy loved ones, you bump into your Dad in Debenhams in the same predicament looking around a shop he wouldn't normally go in, just in the hope of finding a Christmas pressie, curse those genes, he's just as bad as me! Although curse those jeans as well, if I was wearing tighter jeans, maybe I'd panic more what with blood supply being slightly cut off.
Why can't I just buy everyone the JML Classic Pen Set from JML Direct, it's nib is indestructible, just look:It can be used as a dart and also be used to stab cans as well as writing! Who wouldn't want that. Certainly be a great toy for those with writers block.
On second thoughts I'll just buy everyone a Mandle Candle.I've spent too much time in Robert Dyas today. I'm currently listening to Clubbed to death, it goes great with the Mandle Candle advert. Certainly delighting me, and entertaining me.
Terms over, thank fuck, working in the department from 9 AM to 4:30 AM screws up the sleeping patterns, but then I'm a student, I'm not supposed to sleep, just nap. I missed out on the opportunity for free alcohol for a nap, that's how cool I am. Anyway this week I experienced the worst kind of gingerphobia possible when playing bowling, because it's oh so witty to put down jokes names down, I got the indignity of having Ginger Spice put down as my name (I hate Geri Halliwells, Scream if you want her to shut her trap), then it got worse, my name was changed to Anne Robinson. This week I also discovered the simple joys of watching signed music television, well watching a fat lady sign to some timbaland, it's not clever, but it left us in titters, and makes me want to bust some shapes down the roller disco as demonstrated on the teevee. I've also realised this week I really don't need to grow a beard anytime soon, 5 day (ish, I'm loosing track of days, I gather it's christmas soon) of stubble just itched, was annoying, and felt trampish, and I don't want to look like a tramp, might get my ears eaten by Johnathon Creek (ROFLMAO topical humour). To conclude, I shall leave you with a joke which was funny when I was five, and Jerry Seinfeld said that jokes for children and adults are mutually exclusive or summat to that degree [insert comment about how brilliant Seinfeld is]:
A kid had to write a sentence about his holiday to america, so he was going to get on a plane, so he wrote down 'take off', he went to a zoo, and saw a zebra, because he was in America he wrote down 'zeebra', he then was at this restraunt and there was this baby screaming away, so he wrote down 'baby'. He read out his report in school and said 'Take of zee bra baby'. ROFLMAO
Tee Hee Breasts. Actually? was this joke funny when I was five? It certainly isn't funny now, and it's ruddy embarrassing I've transcribed it for you now. Have I even remembered this joke right? Did I ever think it was funny? Was the five year old telling the teacher to take off her bra? That's wrong? This is all so terribly wrong, I'm in dodgy territory here, I didn't want to imply paedophilia on my blog, but oh noes it's happened. Try and have a merry Christmas, but I imagine you're all too shocked by the tone of the blog now, guess it's time to apologize.I want Timbalands to narrate my life wit him saying 'Yeah' at multiple points.
Having Shreddies 'Yeah' Brushing my teeth 'Yeah' Having a wank 'Yeah' Where's the tissues? 'Yeah'
Hello there, it's another one of my weekly catch up blog posts where I just randomly list some stuff that happened to me this week keeping it short and sometimes ambiguous in a hope to make it sound much more interesting than it might not already be. Wahee!
This week I laughed myself silly at Matt Lucas and David Walliams on Johnathon Ross and then wept myself silly knowing they're still insisting on producing that Little Britain crap, I saw Karl Kennedy of Neighbours fame at the Student's Union which (let's not pretend it sophisticated in any way) left me with a stupid grin on my face, although a man of Dr. K's age signing Ruby (Roo-Bee, Roo-Bee, Roo-Bee) is a little surreal a sight. I worked until 4:30 in the morning, a disappointingly student achievement, we're supposed to work all night us creatures, well maybe another time soon, like maybe tonight. I also got confused about male toilet conventions, I know we don't chat in the loos like the ladies or go to the loos in pairs, but when a lecturer starts talking to me in the loos (whilst washing the hands, not whilst pointing the pink pistols at the porcelain firing targets) I felt like a rude dick when I wasn't being that chatty, is it allowed by social conventions to chat in the loos? I just don't know. Admittedly I tried it once when a bit wankered, the old toilet chat, but couldn't hear my friend over the hand dryer. Actually maybe I've chatted in the loo twice, some guy in a Camden Weatherspoons called me a cunt, happy days (it was in a friendly way I must stress).
I think that's all I've got share with you for this week, I can't believe I said this blog would be ambiguous, it's not that ambiguous sadly, maybe next week it'll be. To conclude for any of you lovely readers who aren't my facebook friends and won't have seen my new look, here is my new gangster look, enjoy!Word to your mothers if you have lesbian parents.
Myself and cohorts in the asbestos filled halls of residence would be wacky and put crazy signs on bedroom doors awaiting people who passed by to leave wacky answers. Wacky!I'm not really making much of a point, more just hoping this wacky piece of paper which has survived two years will raise a smile from you dear reader.
An introduction as to what you are about to digest
Hello there, let me assure you I'm not that much of a bastard, I'm dabbling in a thing called Irony, which I happen to tap out quite a bit on the old keyboard. This irony comes in different forms. Could be about my 'life', could be about what I likey, could be some random tripe. Whatever it is, why not have a little scroll down and digest friends!
It can be used as a dart and also be used to stab cans as well as writing! Who wouldn't want that. Certainly be a great toy for those with writers block.
You too can be a complete and utter shit in the comfort of your own living room!
