Friday, June 29, 2007

Random Student Evening and TV Geh?

TV Geh? would so be the title of my TV show if people feel they don't have enought choice of shows about telly, what with there being Harry Hill's TV Burp and Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe.

Anyway onto my first point on my blog minutes, random student evening. It started with me discussing with my friend after watching Bruce Willis on the Daily Show and an advert for the queen (that filum) my potential franchise film, Zombie Diana, my aim for the film series for it to be the most offensive film ever for Daily Mail readers. I would say more, but then I might actually start writing it. Which I probably won't.

Then onto the student union for the quiz, we didn't win, we never win, but it's the taking part that counts. Then onto a student bar in halls with the promise of pound a pints, what with the alcohol froth going out of date during the summer break. I cosumed a couple of pints, and got a delightful history timeline drawn on my arm. Well I got some delightful trigonometry fun drawn on my arm last thursday (SOH CAH TOA in da house), it seems only fair to have history timeline drawn on my arm (1929 Wall Street Crash!), although I wanted better use of me veins as a timeline. But oh well, no need to be picky. Maybe next week I could have a venn diagram on my arm or some science, I'm open to suggestions.

Then off to some chippy for a 99p Pizza, bargain, tiny of course, but 99p? That's so cheap, it's almost exciting. Even if I did pay 30p more for them to hide peperoni under my cheese (under cheese? this is an outrage). Then for some reason it was proposed with have a Doctor Who marathon, all of the second series (that one that David Tennant started in). Great! Well probably, although it beat walking back in the dark through Reading on my own in 2AM fearing the dogging filled park of fundom. I lasted until 7:30 after that Cyberman episode with that guy from Only Fools and Horses that I should have fond affetion for if I bothered to watch Only Fools and Horses (isn't the Green Green Grass just turdily hilarious?). It was my realisation there was seven more episodes to go (I thought six, forgot Mark Gatiss sold episode about TeeeeVeees, but remembered that Peter Kay episode, ugh! Shit). So I went home to bed for a couple of hours of kip to be a woken with a TV Geh?

You know tennis, well the tennis cup this year is being held in Wimbledon. I kid of course, I know of Wimbledon. Well what I loathe more and more on TV is Montages. The montage that started Wimbledon coverage today was just plain non-sensical. Tony Blair, 10 years in office as Prime Minister resigned a day ago or two. Tim Henman knocked out of his 14th wimbledon, but he says he'll be back next year, sure he won't win, but he enjoys it. That Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocell song time to say goodbye. Combine all three things into one montage? Intercut famous quotes of Tony with old footage of Timbo. But... Tim isn't saying goodbye, he'll have a holiday, and be back playing tennis. Tony is saying goodbye for being prime minster for good. Why intercut these two things together in one montage? How does the 'friend of foe' quote from Tony link to Timbo? Tim doesn't have foes, he plays tennis. It's just a nonsensical montage! Tim Henman crashed out of Wimbledon the day after Tony crahsed out of office! I just don't understand it. TV Geh?

Well goodbye, may not be blogging for a week, but I'll be back. Ciao.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Frozen object of the week!

Yes, it's everyone's favourtie regular blog post on the more strawberry blond bastard's blog of bastardry, frozen object of the week. Remember last week when I showed you my frozen turd, well this week I've found something even better, a frozen can of strongbow. This is so exciting that I at once took it outside to the garden and dropped it on the patio to hear the satisfyingly amusing 'fud' that met me when I dropped it on concrete.Some scientists think the freezing process has made the cidery goodness make the foam slightly dent the top of the can all by itself. Historians are looking at the cause for the great freezing of the strongbow can, could it all be explained through the key word, student? Who knows, I'm neither a scientist nor historian.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I'm wet

Hello. Rain. Water. Soaked Jeans, fringe wet, bit cold, so let's do a MeMe! Dan did it. It looked quick, then afterwards I'll chuck up the video blog I did yesterday, but chickened out of putting up on my blog, but that Cheryl said I should put it up, blame her, praise me. Anyway, onto the MeMe.

Favourite joke?
I'm useless at remembering jokes, mainly because I don't really like jokes, too conventional comedy wise. Although my favourite and only joke I remember hearing recently is What happens when you come across a lion? Wipe it off. I'm sure I've blogged that hilarious joke already. Oh well.

Team-mate?
I'm on a team? I don't quite understand. I most certainly don't have a breeding partner.

Opponent?
Rain. Fecking rain.

Other sport?
Sport? I am a nerd, I don't do sport.

Shop?
FOPP! Fopp! It's just a reassuringly nice sounding noise. Fopp?

TV/Radio Show?
I only listen to one radio show at the moment, so that one is easy, that mitchell and webb sound, as for favourite TV show, obviously the IT Crowd (I kid, I watched it last night, and just thought it was a terrible waste of Christopher Morris' talents), Peep Show, I'll go with that.

Mode of Transport?

I like foot when it's not raining, but I don't like paying for transport. I'm a cheapskate.

Item of Clothing?
Pants. Keeps me Jaffas in their place.

Night out?
The Pub Quiz slash Karaoke at the student Union on Thursday. Good little night out that is.

Sporting Memory?
Me crying because I didn't want to do cross country in the rain? What was the fecking point of cross country. Although it could be a nice little stroll at times, walking and having a chat.

Gadget?
My external hard drive, storer of all my illegal downloads.

Place in London?

Well I always go to Forbidden Planet when I'm in London. The Drill Hall is fun. Paddingtion is fun because I enjoy saying 'Padders' The Royal Society sumemr science show next week is a fun plug because it's got some desiging from me.

Now the video blog.
Sorry, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

How good was the season finale...

...to the people's quiz?Such drama, such tension, such pulse generating tension. I had travelled on a journey with these people in my need for Doctor Who to start earlier. Such a variety of difficult questions to help find the brightest, cleverest, brainiest people in Britain. If you didn't know who starred in the 2004 Film 'Shall we Dance' with Richard Gere, you are obviously not worthy of the show (it's Jennifer Lopez). In the end a modern day suffragette won the show, the man (William G Stewart) tried to get her down by saying only a man could win it, but boy was his face red! Now thanks to the winner of the people's quiz, maybe women will get the vote soon.

Jamie Theakston proved to be a charistmatic host, a man the contestants loved. In the season finale a student failed to score any points of the brain chain, Jamie being the lovely chap he is enquired as to the students BITTER FAILURE "What went wrong? Nerves?" "I just didn't know the answers" Wonderful banter! A favourite bit of Jamie banter I enjoyed over all the other banter was during the hit spin off show on BBC2, when he met a lovely gentlemen who with the awsome advantage of MATHS was able to work out the day when assulted with a date from the past century. The banter between the two men I loved, and have commited to memory.

"What's your date of birth?"
"21 December 1977" said Jamie.
"1977?" says the contestant in a stilted way, trying to hide the fact he's dealing with scripted banter.
"Oh okay" says Jamie in a mocking jokey 'Oh my gosh' way "1970"
"Tuesday"
"That's amazing, I have no idea if you're right"
For all we know he could have been talking shit, he could have, but he had the awsome advantage of MATHS, probably the reason he didn't end up on the final show because MATHS isn't for quizes, celebritiy knowledge is.

Back to the season finale, oh what excitement at various points I was literally shouting at my screen for some montages! Come on Montages! Feature some Snow Patrol! I want crying as well! And you know what? The geniuses at the people's quiz were happy force in as many montages as permited in the hour long fun spectaculor.

So in conclusion I went on a powerful journey with the people of the people's quiz, and my saturdays won't be the same without it. Role on the next season!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Virgin Media want me dead

No, I'm not going to start ranting about the Virgin Media take over of NTL and complain that I'm missing lost or 24 (cos I downloaded them instead on my Virgin Media connection, although I'm still not sure why I bothered downloading the recent series of 24, what a turd), I am (of course) refering to the vans that drive around from Virgin Media. One would assume these vans go around installing lovely Virginny Richard 'Him from Casino Royale' Branson goodness down cable pipes.

What with being a happy go lucky pedestrain with a disregard for Motorists, I get annoyed when I cross a traffic lights and those fecking car wheel lovers try and speed up really quickly to escape having to stop at the lights. Well a week ago (I meant to blog this sooner, but hey, I had more important things to blog like cocks and art) a driver of a virgin media van did this very thing. No real reason to link death and Virgin Media (unless anyone wants to calculate some idea of a man strangling himself with Virgin Media cabling), but it was as a crossed the road after the virgin Media van breaked that I suspected death linkage, for you see this van had the caption "Near Miss" on the side of the van. Near Miss (refering to its lovely and only aspect worth being a Virgin Media customer, on demand service) but more seeming to ring in my mind that the van had just had a near miss in fucking hitting me! And there's another van going around saying "Faster, Faster, Faster" which of course means they want to run pedestrains over.

It's a sick world we live in, more people should be chasing cars (what does that even mean?) than cars chasing men. 'Oh let's have fun, with cars chasing men...'

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dot to Dot Time

For some reason this afternoon I drew my housemate a dot to dot, below I present the solution to this dot to dot.I'm a mature fuckwith for someone approaching twentyteen.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

(Modern) Art Attack!

This is an Art Attack, this is an Art Attack, this is ART ATTACK! *Cue them sirens* Hello and welcome to todays (Modern) Art Attack. First peice is called 'I'm no hooker, but I wouldn't say no.'The second peice for you today is called 'I use electric, therefore I am one'Don't ask me to explain my art, I'm too cool to do so, as demonstrated through this next peice titled 'male blogger wearing ladies shades' Good Bye!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

This week I've...

... been on a party on a boat, been confused that Jack Johnson is the kind of song you use to conclude said party on boat, spent the week trying to think of a dissertation idea then getting inspiration at the last hour through a Charlie Brooker article, been on a bouncy castle, inflatable sumo restled, inflatable gladiator dueled, flung myself at some velcro wall whilst wearing a velcro suit, sung a Britney Spears song at karaoke as a dedication for a friend's birthday, got some fucking spyware on my laptop, almost had a joke engagement, watched the apprentice and wanted to see a penis shaped building on the south bank, watched hot fuzz a few times, cut my nails, but none of this is worth blogging in light of the fact this morning I changed my laptop wallpaper for the first time this year!Yes I know of the print screen button, but I'm being arty.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Blame Dan

for the answers to the questions I stole from Dan which you may be about to read.

What I was doing ten years ago… ?
I don't know, twas year 5 at school, so I would have been schooled wouldn't I of blud? That year I moved a few roads, to a close that didn't have a hangout which consisted of cement being poured down a hill. It should be a local beauty point. I shall have to take a photo of it to share with you lucky lucky people at some point. Alos that year my obsession began with them Star Wars films, curse you George Lucas and your cash cow bastardisation special editions.


What I was doing 5 years ago… ?

2002? Year 10 at school? Being schooled blud. Or maybe hanging out infront of the bullen block. Named after Mr. Bullen, who was well wicked Blud? I think I probably had year 10 exams at this point, which were highly enlightening, I was good at some subjects and fucked up others!

1 year ago… ?
Lazing around in the halls of residence, finished my first year university exams. I think I went out studenting it large a few times this time last year. Not very exciting really. I'm not selling you the excitement of my life really.

Yesterday… ?
Uni disseration semminars workshop magic events. Then a boat party for some halls of residence I'm oddly attached too. Fecking expensive drinks. Shame the boat didn't stop aboard a tescos (which you can, next time you're on the thames, thames fans! Oh I love the thames).

5 Snacks I enjoy…
Muffins, Mars bars, Cheesey chips, Toast, Cocaine.

5 Songs I know all the words too…
Oh quite a few it would emerge, and only the crappest songs such as Scooch's We're flyign the flag, Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend, Natasha Bedingfield's These Words, although I know all the lyrics to Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger (Well it is the Peep Show theme) and some other song... I dunno, R2-D2 we wish you a merry christmas.

5 Things I would do with $100 million…
Pay back my student loan, fund a hollywood version of Ginger Pubes my novella, Go somewhere exciting on a aeroplane, create my own dance moves and spend the money funding it to export it around the world, bring back Noel's House Party.

5 Locations I would love to run away to…
Londinium, Brightinium, Bognorinium Regiusium, Formerium Yuogoslavianium Republicium ofium Macedoniaium, Crinkleyium Bottium,

5 Bad habits I have…

Lazyness, which comes in many forms which I think fills the five bad habits quota set.

5 things I like doing…

Random Conversationing with friends, Comedy watching and laughing, being geeky, Pub Quizing, buying the world a coke,

5 things I would never wear…

Well you've got to try these things once haven't you? Although my friend didn't suggest that I would dress as a lady, she'd dress as a chap for the boat party last night, but she didn't think I would do it. Probably not. I'd need to be drunk and less self conscious first.

5 TV shows that I like…
Peep Show, Spaced, I'm Alan Partridge, Heroes, Doctor Who.

5 Biggest joys of the moment…
Oh can't be aprehensions? I'm no good at picking joys.

Joys at seeing drunken phtotos of last night when loaded up to the book of faces, the joy of having some lunch and filling my stomach, the joy of my own amusement at my uselessness on the phone and how I want to bite my tongue off to stop me talking crap, the joy of wanting to watch Hot Fuzz on the DVD again, the joy of skipping, no man should deprive himself of a good skip now and then.

5 Favourite toys…
My star wars potato heads are pretty hawt, love my cyberman action figure, love my yoda cuddly toy, love my emperor pez dispensor, love my kenneth kenobi collection on top of my now deceased TV.

5 next victims…
I'm not telling you who I'm going to kill, because then you'd know!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Wildlife documentry time!

In an excuse to claim to start a regular feature on this blog, I turn to the wonderful world of animals in a not really going to be a series of video blogs. This week I look at ants with a little coarse language thrown in for good measure. But be warned, some may find the ending a little emotional.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Karate Report

Last night I went along to Reading University (Don't call it that, it's not it's name, it's the University of Reading!) Bar Quiz and Karate session. We did alright in the quiz, we got full marks on the music round which was all girl groups, being a big fan of them Sugababes and them All Saints (can you believe that some of my later karate sparring partners didn't realise All Saint's had done a cover of Lady Marmalade, they ruddy did you know!) I was able to provide a significant enough contribution which gave us a decent enough score for our team 'You know where you are with a cock'.

But you don't care about that, you want to know about the karate. Well I foolishly said to someone in possesion of the karate book that I wanted to do a Karate duet of Barbie Girl. Then I was put down also for a mystery karate duet with another sparring partner. The Barbie Karate duet never materialised, but as a closing to the karate evening I did the mystery duet with another sparring partner. Turned out to be Oasis and Champagne Supernova, a song I quite like, but I'm only comfortable doing karate when I'm making a tit of myself. I tried to throw a few swear words into the karate battle for my own amusement, but just felt silly, and ended up holding the karate microphone a decent enough distance away from my mouth, so that my fellow karate battler could hold a tune loud enough to go over mine. But that's the thing about karate, there are different options.I may have changed the word Karaoke to Karate for no apparent reason.

Karaoke Fact of the day! Dojo kun is a set of guidelines for karaoker's to follow both in the dojo(a room in which karaoke is taught) and out of the dojo, in a karaoker's everyday life.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Three is the related number to this particular blog post and possibly magic

Dan tagged me, well I think he did, I think he referes to me as one of his comedy children, even though I'm like almost mature. Bollocks. Talking of bollocks, here's the MeMe.

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. Phone calls.
2. Social interaction and making conversation with people I don't know that well.
3. My lazyness and how it will fuck up my life.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. Them bloggers I read make me laugh
2. My friend's make me laugh
3. My comedy likes make me laugh

Three Things I Love:
1. Comedy
2. Company
3. Cheesey Music.

Three Things I Hate:

1. Arogance
2. People obsessed with themselves.
3. People who can't/won't do small talk. Come on! I struggle with conversation, help me out and end this auquard silence. Is that too much to ask?

Three Things I Don’t Understand:

1. Dan briefly mentioned the new 2012 London Olympics logo and not understanding it, I'm gonna take this blog a moment to crowbar in my alternative version of it.That's what London means to me!
2. The appeal of Graham Norton or Will and Grace. I live with housemates who love these respective shows, I can't understand them, they're just tired cliches. The shows, not the housemates.
3. Lady stuff. I got asked by some lady friends the other day if they could 'ghd' my hair. It apparently straightens hair, but my hair is already natuarlly straight!

Three Things On My Desk:

1. A lot of free promtional tat that I've stolen from various sources recently.
2. DVDs!
3. My bank statement, should probably file that away.

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Playing around on facebook with all their new applications stuff. Making facebook more fun and more like MySpace, without being horrible clunky shit like MySpace.
2. Wondering why I'm really struggling filling in this MeMe, when at times I've really just found it piss easy to think of what to write. I think I've lost my MeMe-edge. I started doing the one Jemima did, and then killed myself out of bordem of filling it in.
3. I'm wondering how I resurrected myself from the killing of oneself I did at point number two.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Get a spouse?
2. Grow a large fuck off beard.
3. Watch all the star wars films back to back in one day.

Three Things I Can Do:
1. Design, it would seem I can design and am fitting of my degree. I don't adam and eve it.
2. Be Busy and also be lazy!
3. Get by on nervous energy.

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. Be popular
2. 'Pull'
3. Be Normal.

Three things you should listen to:
1. Scooch's 'We're flying the Flag'
2. Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend'
3. Natasha Bedingfield's 'I wanna have your babies'

That's my top 3 favourite cheesey crappy recet songs playlist. Enjoy! Or Endure.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. Kiss 100, Ugh!
2. The BBC Local radio stations, going by southern counties radio, they're just dull.
3. You shouldn't listen in on people's conversations on the train, no matter how much your mind wanders. It's just stalkerish.

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. Confidence
2. Assertiveness
3. To know what love is, I want you to show me.

Three Favorite Foods:

1. Chips with salt.
2. Cheesey Chips.
3. Chips with Ketchup.

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. Thunderbirds.
2. Postman Pat
3. Noel's House Party.

Three Things I Regret:
1. Making no attempt to keep/make friends with people from School.
2. Doing A Level Maths. I just wasn't good at it!
3. Faking my outgoingness a bit too much at times.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Frustrations of a man watching that Joesph show whilst losing scrabble

Let's break it down now, at one point I thought I could be Joesph, despite the noteable fact that I can't hold a note and have no interest in music theatre. I briefly got swept up in the idea I could support one of them and cheer on that Lee chappy. I think my frustration with Graham Norton being on the telly happened a couple of times, I don't really hate him, I of course like everyone find it like really funny when Graham Norton says something ginger beer. Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw. I of course made the necessary comment about Andrew Lloyd Webber (will they quit raping John Williams by using Star Wars music to somehow make this contest dramatic), and I just tried to raise my spirits by putting down a joke I actually remembered from a couple of nights ago; What happens if you come across a Lion? Wipe it off.

This video clip put's it better my annoyance from Any Dream will do.
Still, Doctor Who was very, very good. Thank fuck!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Vindictive Shit

Student's aren't the most cleanest of creatures, although I do shower folks! It may take us a few weeks to empty a bin, such as our bathroom bin, which was full of loads and loads of loo rolls. I being the restless sort and the creative sort, started building a tower that stems from the bin one poo ago and have since progressed in continuing the building of this tower. It's going be a welcome present for the next tennats. Except my housemate has now decided to extend the loo roll tower so high it's now taller than me and intimidates me everytime I pee, and stops me from building it any higher.Shame.